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I'm searching for those dead old glooms.

I set out for a time adrift.
This body, this mind are not all spent.
Its scarred and lovely, warm and pure.

I've set out for a time, adrift.
Forgetting all but litanies of self-reproach.
Forgetting all but empty words.
Forgetting all but mundane tasks.

I've set out for a time, adrift.
Watching from the back to see where I'll float.
Each day bending, dripping like the last.
Each day further from the shore,
further from the place I was.
Aging as I go.

I set out for a time, adrift.
Forgetting where my compass lies.
I set out into the deep wide ocean.
Deep and blue and stretching wide.

I will not let her pull me under,
blue arms grasping, reaching, pulling.

I am Kali fierce and piercing.
Five sets of arms in all directions.
I can not rest or dream or falter.
Surging on and further on.

I set out for a time, adrift.
I laid down softly for a time contented.
I woke up full and strong and wanting.

I cut out all the black and empty.

I cut out all the dead old glooms.

hot pink lines and swollen scars remain,
I'm healing.

I stood up and placed my foot on water.
I walk, I run, I fly on solid ground.