Red Room Where the Writers Are

Issue/Publication: Womanwise Magazine

Web Links

Normal 0 false false false EN-GB X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";}

Do you dilly-dally over making a decision? Are you looking at an emerging situation, an approaching deadline to say yes or no or a long-held dream that calls you to follow? How long have you been thinking about it? Maybe you have passed the thinking stage and moved into the realm of over-thinking.

Over-thinking is both a conscious and unconscious way of seeking perfection, complete knowledge, perfect timing, ideal circumstances, and no opposition before making a decision. Of course we should know what risks are involved in a venture, the best time to start, start over or move forward, the most promising atmosphere to launch our ideas, voice our concerns or spill our emotions.

The problem is that the more we think or over-think the issues around a decision we have to make, the more obsessed and fearful we become. And that obsession with caution and perfection can blind us to the importance, possibilities and benefits of making the decision. Our obsession with over-thinking can result in our being inefficient at work, preoccupied at home and distant in our relationships. 

It takes time and effort to change the way we think and approach decision-making. However, when we are willing to alter our thought patterns and thought processes a light goes on and the doors and windows swing open flooding our minds with clarity and confidence to say yes or no to the issue before us. 

My name is Cheryl and I’m an over-thinker.

Every major decision I’ve made in the last twenty years, came after major over-thinking. I can over-think an issue to death. This is partly due to my natural bent to be methodical and organized. Fear of failure, ridicule and “I told you so” comments are other reasons for my obsessive over-thinking.

Like the recovering alcoholic, I doubt I’ll ever be completely cured of my over-thinking tendency. To help me stay on the wagon as I navigate the journey of my life I use the following process to minimize my obsessive over-thinking. I’ll share them with you hoping that you too can put the brakes on your over-thinking habit and get cracking with the decision that you’ve been putting off.

Sort it out. Although the packaging may be tempting, it is usually unwise to dive into most ventures: job, academic studies, home, car or some other financial investment, relationship, business, etc.

Nothing comes without its inherent sacrifices, compromises and consequences. Unless of course, you are high-rolling risk-taker, free, single and disengaged, with no dependents or serious responsibilities, sorting out all that will be involved in making the decision. Knowing the fundamental Who, What, Where, When, Why and How will move you to the yes or no line in a timely manner.

Write it out. This is always a key ingredient in understanding and organizing your life, your priorities and of course decisions. Writing out your thoughts and feelings about a particular issue, the facts, the fears and the risks inherent in making a particular decision is a prime step in the direction of making concrete plans and taking definite action.

You don’t necessarily need to have all the information up front. Work with what you have at the moment to give yourself a head start and a written account of your thought processes and a working list to refer to as you get additional information, further understanding and answers to your questions. More important, writing your way through to the decision, gives you clarity and new insight not only into  the issue itself but into your true feelings about it, your ability and willingness to commit the time, energy and resources it may demand.

Seek out the help you need.  Sometimes a bit of false pride and even fear of ridicule or a dismissive response may push us in the direction of working through the pre-decision phase alone. More often than not, without someone to act as a sounding board, books or the Internet to provide information and advice, working examples and “I’m here for you; I’ve got your back,” support, we may end up spinning our wheels and going nowhere. Never quite confident or equipped enough to make a decision.

Try not to dwell too much on the questions that begin with “Suppose...” because they tend to keep you stuck in a negative mode and fearful. Of course you need to know the risks and prepare yourself to deal with them. Do that and move on to the questions that focus on the positive aspects of making the decision.

Whatever decision you are facing, there are always resourceful and supportive people who are willing to stand with you and places (books and websites) that provide the precise information to help you along in the thinking process.

Map out your plan. Once you have a full and clear picture of the ramifications of the decision you are considering, don’t waste time over-thinking. Make your decision.

If “No” is your answer, that’s fine. Now move on. If however, you choose the affirmative response, begin to put details to the basic outline you would have written earlier.

Over-thinking curtailed; thinking done. It’s time for action.