Humor
October 28, 2009
- Have you seen the movie Dear Frankie? I have, several times, but then I'm a sucker for fairy tales. I really loved it. But you be your own judge. We Americans are supposed to use the English subtitles to understand the Scottish accent, but I've watched my Hamish MacBeth enough times to not need to.I was so impressed by the LACK of words. How, as a writer, can I write like that? There ...
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October 27, 2009
- People often ask me why I wrote How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons. This is a tough question, because there were several reasons:I wanted to make billions of dollarsI wanted to be more famous than Paris HiltonI wanted to stop the human race from destroying itselfNow that I have accomplished these goals I could sit back, put my feet up, and heave a big, self-satisfied sigh. I could ...
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October 25, 2009
- The puppy is a literary little beast. She climbs onto the back of the chair and hangs over my shoulder as I type. Her paws are unsettlingly close to the keys. “Whatcha writing?” “It’s all about you.” “You’re going awfully fast. You’re not thinking very hard or looking anything up, are you? You can’t be doing your best work. How come when ...
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October 25, 2009
- Many of you may hate me for this, but when I saw the first previews for Where the Wild Things Are with the actors in those suits, three evil words crashed into my brain: Barney. The. Dinosaur. And the more I thought about it, the bigger the question balloon in my head grew until I wrote this parody, which I have posted in the Articles/ Stories section on my page. Thanks for ...
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October 25, 2009
- On a beautiful day in San Francisco 16-year-old Laura Ruth Barry had no trouble defending her San Francisco Parkside tennis crown, beating fellow American Sam Barry (who is, in an extraordinary coincidence, her father) 6-1 and 6-2. The match was actually more lopsided than the score would indicate; basically, Barry kicked Barry’s ass. You might say that Barry, who has beaten Barry before, beat ...
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October 24, 2009
- I’m convinced that the person who coined the phrase “Getting There is Half the Fun” has not tried to get there recently. Our trip to England began at the Santa Barbara Airport. The first leg of our flight to San Francisco was due to leave at 9:30 a.m., so dutifully were there at 8:15 a.m. That’s when we found out our plane was delayed. “How long?” we asked. Shrug. “Can we ...
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October 22, 2009
- I was doing some laundry this morning before work when it hit me. However, before I explain that statement let me just say that I am a big admirer of the renowned Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield, not least because he is the father of Uma Thurman. No wait, that’s Richard Gere. Still, I am a big admirer of Kornfield, author of After the Ecstasy, the Laundry. I never read the book, but I intend to ...
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October 21, 2009
- Throughout her prolonged adolescence the puppy has consistently maintained an elevated opinion of herself. I make the mistake of reading my recent blog to her and she picks up on my critique of her non-show-worthy physical attributes. She flashes me that furrowed-brow stare I have come to dread. “What does a low tail set mean, anyway?” I would rather take out ...
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October 19, 2009
- “I am a great artist,” I say to the puppy. “Surely you can appreciate your good fortune and accept the responsibility of living with me. My paintings will bring world peace. My writings will cure cancer. My infinite wisdom will end hunger. You must not annoy me. You must allow me to work.” She looks at me, wrinkles her long elegant nose, and farts defiantly. ...
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October 19, 2009
- All you need is love, says the song. But that’s ridiculous. You need a room, too, and a harmonica. What were the Beatles thinking?Still, I miss those times when pop artists wrote songs that meant something, and none more so than Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, a quintessentially American band led by singer and organist Domingo “Sam” Samudio, best known for their hit "Wooly Bully." ...
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