letting go
March 16, 2010
- “You taught me how to love; you taught me how to live; you taught me how to laugh; you taught me how to cry, but when you left, you forgot to teach me how to forget you.” ~ Hendie Not too long ago, my mother was telling me about a friend of hers, Anita, who recently lost her husband after a long battle with cancer. Anita and her husband were married for almost fifty years, and were only a ...
- Continue Reading » 0 Comments
March 6, 2010
- March 6 The Price of Today’s Ride Much of my spiritual awakening has been spent separating myself from the nightmare of the past, reassuring myself that in fact, it the horror, is over. As my present has improved my reactions are still invested with the hide or fly coping of a child dealing with terror. Things get better yet barricades are erected, departing flights secured. ...
- Continue Reading » 2 Comments
February 4, 2010
- There is solace to be found in laundry. The sheer control of it. The stripping down of sheets and pillow cases and the freshness that inevitably ensues. Baking too can give a sense of balance and so I made pizza dough and ended up having to freeze a batch for future use. There are only three of us in this house tonight. I must become acclimated to that number. Middle son has gone off on a Rugby ...
- Continue Reading » 4 Comments
January 29, 2010
- Rain falls on the patio of this hotel room and the gas fire attempts to warm the soul and fool me into thinking that I can pull up a chair and fall into its promise. Papers fall to the floor like leaves in fall and I clad myself in a white robe that feels rough against my skin. It chafes and irritates the folds. Son watches a basketball game and out of the corner of my eye I cannot help but think ...
- Continue Reading » 8 Comments
January 18, 2010
- I am about to transplant you. To ease you out of those stubborn roots that spread in massive proportions beyond the confines of this terracotta pot. Do know when I tell you that glasshouses are great for awhile but think about how claustrophobic it can be in there, how quickly the recycled air becomes stale and rancid. The elements eagerly await your arrival. Beyond the transparent shield of ...
- Continue Reading » 9 Comments
December 27, 2009
- There are times when the forest is so dense and so foreboding that it seems to me that there is no light at all, nothing, but a thick cloak of ivy that coils around and chokes the tall trees that loom overhead and down deep down within the bowels of the thorny undergrowth, obstacles appear and hamper the path that needs, at all costs, to be traversed. The desire to reach the other side ...
- Continue Reading » 6 Comments
November 14, 2009
- “So how’s it feel having sex with a dead man?”“Good,” I gasp. “Very good.”We laugh at the gallows’s humor. We can make jokes while having sex. We’re at that point with one another.Soon the laughing makes way to sighs and moans. A tear runs down my face but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying being very naked with my ex-boyfriend this one last time.God, can I really call him an ...
- Continue Reading » 0 Comments
November 13, 2009
- As the days shorten, I like to walk at four o'clock, when the light turns thick and golden. Everything it touches seems suspended in honey: the waterbird puffing out its feathers to keep warm, the egret gliding by, the tight, lonely clump of sky-blue ceanothus clinging bravely to life, the pile of dog poop a previous walker has left in my path. The democracy of light. The tide is low, the ...
- Continue Reading » 0 Comments
October 13, 2009
- October 13BATTLESHIPIf the first is a guess, what is the second? Paranoia? Or worse? Action is a blessing, reaction a debilitation, and to twist from reaction to self-doubt sinks the battle and the battleship. When I can’t make sense, the gift is stepping back. Better to put my hand down than to lose the farm. When I find myself in a minefield, I can walk gingerly or wait for aide from above, ...
- Continue Reading » 0 Comments
October 3, 2009
- Sometimes we need to let go of things: people, jobs, relationships, homes, possessions. Thursday, I had to let go of my uterus, but the doctor said I really didn't want to. Turns out, I was holding onto it with everything I had, even though I was unconscious, the surgery lasting a good hour longer than it was supposed to. I have this vivid image of the doctor yanking it out, sweating, ...
- Continue Reading » 10 Comments
