Blog Posts for Alan Black

Cheat? Thierry Henry - Member of the Legion of Honor - Adieu

Alan Black — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:33:45 -0800

The Hand of HenryThink of all those brand names that players pick up as endorsements. And make bags of money in the process. And the team strips emblazoned with corporate logos. But maybe it's time for a new logo to be branded across the chests of our favorite soccer stars -- those ones who like to flop, or use their hand to earn a goal. Welcome to soccer's growing, dynamic brand: CHEAT. To ...

Books Are Good For Leaving Messages

Alan Black — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:20:32 -0800

While in the library the other day, the man next to me was looking at A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. His laptop buzzed and he quickly abandoned his reading continuum for a short blast of finger pulses transmitting data to followers everywhere across the cyber universe. He was tweeting at the speed of light. I took out my lined notebook...A Brief History of Follow MeA couple of ...

The Three Questions Answered

Alan Black — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 13:28:42 -0700

Obsessions: DeathPassions: LifeFixations: DeathDeath wins 2-1.

Bartender View: The Fondler

Alan Black — Fri, 29 May 2009 18:03:13 -0700

This is a particularly unpleasant submission, so don't read it if you've been a victim of unwanted fondling. Airports are strip searching passengers with a new screening device designed to have the bored guy at the monitor burst out laughing when he sees a tiny penis, a weird third nipple, or concealed bondage wear. The designers of such intrusion may wish to consider building a screening ...

COTTON DOCKERS - DANGER!

Alan Black — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:04:40 -0700

COTTON DOCKERS - A DANGER TO MAN I have never had a happy relationship with pants. They've always attacked me. I've suffered zippers slicing into fragile appendages, holes in pockets that sent bus fare running down my leg only to disappear into a street drain and earthquake fissures in the butt due to rapid bending over and too many donuts. All the pants I owned cost me dearly. Secretly, I ...

A BAR DRAMA - THREE ACTS

Alan Black — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:33:02 -0700

ACT ONEHe was small, a Japanese Napoleon. His pal had a bald patch like a monk. The Japanese was on the voice treadmill, the monk was silent, listening, like a vow. Expensive scotch was ordered, Napoleon asked to see the bottle. I left it there. And forgot about it. They went to the jukebox and loaded it up with heavy metal, music not to listen to at 1.30am. I yelled last call. And remembered ...

THE DRUG DEBATE

Alan Black — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:18:35 -0700

I was talking to a drug using friend, a man with alot of miles on his frequent higher card, about the latest craze on drugs, this time Mexican bordertown slaughter, and he reminded me that the drug cartels are totally opposed to legalization, like the US government. And that was a good thing. They had common interest and should work together to preserve the status quo. He pointed out that ...

State Department Adds New Group to Watch List

Alan Black — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:19:18 -0800

The State Department has added a new group to its watchlist. MARA - the acronym for the Middle Age Resistance Army - issued a communique calling for an "end to youth." Wrapped in an Afghan coat and wearing a T-shirt with a fat David Crosby emblazoned on the front, MARA's leader P. Rostate declared "war on the vileness of youth and its degenerate speed culture." ...

Bond, quite into drugs.

Alan Black — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 04:06:23 -0800

He liked a bit of powder, James Bond, benzedrine was his choice of sniff. Raking up the buzz in the early novels, trying not to be over confident on a combo of bennys and champage, when executing the plan for Queen and Country. Bond's success is really the product of a drunken glory, a golden age when being drunk stood for something good. Sadly, being drunk is now sadly frowned upon, or ...

OBAMA MONARCHY ACTION

Alan Black — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 03:08:19 -0800

Television is beautiful. It's where we make the kings and queens.