Over the last few months I've been writing humor articles for the online publication Point in Case. They've gotten very good responses, averaging a 4.8 out of 5 rating, and received only a handful of bitter comments from people who hate themselves. This week will be the debut of my weekly column on Point in Case, aptly titled "The Alcoholic Medium." Until then, here are all my old articles:

Seven Epic Drunk Dials

Posted June 16th, 2008 Throughout my feebly short life I've had entirely too much experience drunk dialing. I don't know what it is about me that makes the idea of ex-girlfriends, Jack-in-the-Box and old hook-ups so enticing at three o'clock in the morning, but even on nights when I tell myself over and over again not to call anyone, when it comes time to either hit the sack or party on, my hand dives into my pocket, flips open my phone, and dials away. Read More

111 Rules of Bar Crashing

Posted June 23rd, 2008 Like a wedding, a bar is a gathering of people - some family, some friends - all coming together to get drunk and celebrate something that few people really care about. The underlying cause of going to weddings and bars is the same: get drunk, get laid, meet tons of people you'll never call, and look back at your youth and think, "Damn...I really should have wrapped it up." Read More

Famous Moments in Alcohol: The Titanic Tragedy

Posted June 30th, 2008 To truly understand where we are going as partiers, we must understand where we have come from. We must enlighten ourselves with tales of belligerence from the past. We must study the ways of great drinkers before us, for if we do, we may realize that although having a gigantic anchor full of booze may sound like a cool idea, we probably shouldn't use it while crossing the Atlantic Ocean.Read More

Post-Party Morning After Acronyms

Posted July 9th, 2008 Loud noises, bright lights, and Chingy are just about the worst three things you want to deal with the morning after a rager. Fourth, however, is too many fucking syllables. It seems like after each party night, people have the exact same conversations about girls, drinking, and why their hair tastes like spermicide. So why not shorten them up so we can get back to cringing at our text messages? Read More

Party Barge: The True Story of Noah's Ark

Posted July 21st, 2008 The tale of Noah's Ark is as widely known as a story that includes the destruction of all mankind and a 135-meter boat filled with animal poo. But, like most ancient chronicles of history, its merits are under scrutiny. Read More

How to Use Your Brain to Get Laid (The Cerebellum)

Posted August 6th, 2008 In Latin, "cerebellum" means "little brain," but seeing as though something as small as the tip of your dick is more or less the source of all pleasure in the world, being "little" doesn't mean a whole lot. Read More

Alcohol-Induced Honesty

Posted September 9th, 2008 Everyone lies. Whether it's cheating or stealing or filling your water cup with Mountain Dew and giggling stupidly in the corner of Taco Bell, everybody lies. Except while drunk. Read More

I'm Here for the Gang Bang

Posted October 2nd, 2008 It was Halloween, and TheAntelope could not be more excited. Every costume imaginable was there with the word "slutty" in front of it. Nurse? Slutty nurse. Fireman? Slutty fireman. Slut? Slutty slut. Hundreds of people thrilled that they finally had an excuse to dress like a whore and get away with it. Sluts were everywhere. Including the laundry room.

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