Amy Tan

Amy Tan and I have at least one thing in common. We both worked for Megaphone -- though not at the same time -- a 976 "audio entertainment" company, creating scripts transmitted by telephone. During a typical day, I watched two soap operas via satellite ('Santa Barbara' was one); after each, there was a half hour window in which to create a tight, clever synopsis, deliver to the production room, have it recorded and uploaded into the system. I also wrote two- and three-minute romance monologues, all of which had the intro "Hello, my love...." and the outro "We will be this way again, in another place, another time. Just call me." These were read by a range of "professional" male voices, sometimes with a soundtrack added for atmosphere. I particularly remember one fellow who pronounced "lichen" (e.g. the lichen-covered rocks) as "leeeeech-ens." I took to hitting the library for turn-of-the-century travel accounts I could pilfer for imagery. "Hello my love.... Winds rage down the Central Asian steppes, chilling the Bosphorus, wrapping the city in a wintry shroud. We are sitting on a low divan in an ancient bleaced-wood house, warming ourselves with mulled wine and listening to the shutters creak" etc. etc. I was instructed to make these as titillating as possible (no small feat in a two-minute narrative), until the FCC started getting calls from irate parents whose little kids were racking up their phone bills to listen in. I pedaled it down as best I could. "I kiss the hollow of your slender neck, easing the roses and violet silk from your shoulders as we sink into the thick, Turkish rug...." I also created a multi-segment Stop Smoking program, but I drew the line at horoscopes. I left Megaphone to hike through the Bitterroot Mountains, part of an assignment for National Geographic's book division. Amy Tan went on create a sensation with "The Joy Luck Club."