Firing "Friends"
A book about friendship. No one gets fired, but Foo Frog swells with hot air and returns deflated--the perfect size for a friend. Official pub-date is February 10, 2009!
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I did it. I accomplished what I suggested Jessica Barksdale do. I deleted the people I do not know, or barely know, from Facebook. Now I have sixty-odd people I do enjoy, old friends, new friends I find sympatico, classmates I've not seen in over 30 years, or writers whose words I've come to love through Redroom. I think I might now begin to enjoy Facebook on a limited basis.
I must confess, it felt extremely good to click and delete a hunky guy named Barry who has over two thousand friends. Why would anyone want to befriend someone who has two thousand friends!
Lee Iacocca's father left him with wise words, which I paraphrase: "At the end of your life, if you have true friends you can count on one hand, you're pretty lucky." (I hope someone has told Mr. Obama the same.)
"Masks" by B.Y.
So, I'm in the flow. Firing many a "friend" lately. In fact, I've gotten rid of three since the holidays.
X has lost his girlfriend. She lives next to him. He has been depressed for over three years. He insists on telling me he is depressed. He checks her window at night to see if she his home or out with the new guy who has swept her off her feet. It's been over half a year since he first confided in me about his loss, and I am SICK to death of receiving his emails, saying, "I'm having a bad day. I'm depressed."
Ahhh, feels good to get rid of that shrump. I wrote him, "Snap out of it. You've got your health and you live in a lovely place; people would kill to trade places with you."
Last week, my old classmate T emailed me at 10 PM, saying he is canceling our walk at Pt. Lobos the next day, because he has migraine. We'd planned this walk over a month ago.
I don't necessarily read my email at 10 PM. He should have called me. I stood waiting for him at the gate for over half an hour. The only "thing" of value I possessive is ever diminishing TIME. I won't allow anyone to waste my hours
Annette, a woman I got to know while working on our class reunion insists on calling me at 11 PM. If I don't answer, she repeatedly leaves this message: "Heeeeei, this Anetteee Sphagetteee. I miss you, I love you. I want to come over and visit. I've even bought slippers to wear at your house."
I did return the call after six such messages. I told her, through gnashing teeth, she's better stop her phone stalking.
Now, your turn, Jessica. You've got six hundred "friends" too many. Hey, but don't delete me.
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Jessica Barksdale Inclan says:
let the weedong begin
Okay, girlfriend! Tonight, I am closong down to watch indiana joes. But tomorrow morning..... Weeding!
Best
J
Jessica Barksdale Inclan
www.jessicabarksdaleinclan.com
Kristy Kiernan says:
Wow
After a few months of personal loss and realizing how many "real" friends I have (or don't) I just shut down my Facebook page altogether. It was freeing. Good for y'all for just selectively thinning rather than simply shutting down completely. I get a little too black and white, I suppose :-D (It still felt good...and still does, not seeing anyone in my inbox throwing sheep at me, what the hell is THAT all about?)
Belle Yang says:
Thanks for your words
so I know I am not crazy.
I've been ornery lately. Wrong, I've been ornery for several decades.
It's actually nice to go back to Facebook and see that I have info from people I know and like.
I don't think you are missing anything.
Wendy Nelson Tokunaga says:
Whew!
What a relief to have made the cut! :-)
Belle Yang says:
LOL--didn't mean to be a snob.
I think I've gotten to know my Redroom virtual friends better than some older friends I meet in town. If you are reading deeply felt ideas, you are bound to touch beyond the skin.
I really worry about RR writers who are losing jobs, homes or are dealing with cancer
But you can blame Jessica Barksdale for my rant.
Rosy Cole says:
Look at Me
It's a sad reflection of our times that many folk seem to be afraid that they don't actually exist if they're not conscious of others watching them. It reminds me of Anita Brookner's novel, LOOK AT ME.
I started a Facebook page at the instigation of my cousin and got so scared, I took it down straight away. It just isn't me. RR is a different proposition altogether and fairly unique I would have thought. You can penetrate to the heart of a discussion and really get to know folk in a way you can't socially straight off. The most valuable thing in life after health is time and with more real-time friends than I can justly cope with - who hang in faithfully when I'm absent from the scene - I wouldn't seek any other online forum than RR.
So, well done, Belle and J! We're persuaded that all these contacts will increase book sales, but I doubt that there's much mileage in it. While traffic to my website is increasing apace, sales of books are listing in the doldrums at the moment. It forces re-examination of the old argument of the 'targeted' approach compared to the 'scattergun' approach.
Love the pic, BTW Belle. The whole subject of masks and the history of them is fascinating. I have quite a few Venetian ones.
The nature of truth and stage v. reality keeps me endlessly occupied.
Happy shrooming!
Rosy
Belle Yang says:
Hi, Rosy, When I was first published in 1994
"Look at Me!" was a need. Now I am bored with me. I know me. I like to look hard at others. I don't talk about myself much when I am with new people at a social gathering. I sit back and listen. But, yes, I had to go through that "Look at Me!" stage of develpment.
I still feel a bit funny about divulging so much of the personal here.
Always great to hear from you.
Jodi Thompson says:
security settings and filters
My intention at joining FaceBook quite some time ago was only to keep in touch with family scattered about. I love seeing pics of the new babies and new homes. I never used FB to make contacts or sell anything. Somehow, though, everyone at work started joining FB. At first when there were so few on it, I didn't mind accepting friend requests - but when the co-owner of the business and my boss friended me - geez, no privacy. So I simply accepted their friend requests and promptly put severe restrictions on what of mine they could see/read and what of theirs I was subjected to.
Worked well for me.
Belle Yang says:
Hi, Jodi
I read your first post about the Crazy. I can only make fun of myself since I sit alone. I am the Crazy:)
I think Facebook works when it's used in the context you describe. I wonder if the Harvard grad who invented Facebook imagined the weirdness it has become. I'm sure he's loving it.
Jennifer Gibbons says:
Belle, I am honored I survived your purge...
I get on average three friend requests a week. People usually send a note (I read your blog! I knew you when we went to Ygnacio Valley High School! I'm a Red Room Person, just like you!) so I friend them right away. I am putting my foot down with people who read my soap blogs, then make up a character's Facebook page. I've refused friend requests from "Alan Spaulding" and "Bridget Forrester." I want to make sure my friends are semi-real, not totally fictional.
Belle Yang says:
Purge--lol
You make me sound like a Communist cadre, Jen.
Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:
Belle and Jessica's comments made me scrutinise my contacts.
Couldn't find any to purge at the moment but it was interesting analysing the list of contacts anyway. If it weren't for the very large number of Collias on the list which is all about gathering family ties, the few left are the ones I generally started out with or are the few old school chums who I've reconnected with. I suppose I am more dilligent that I thought I was. It's still funny to see so many Collias, it's a relatively rare surname. :)
I'm very glad to have survived Belle and Jennifer's purges although I would understand if I were 'deleted' and would not take it personally anyway, the inane chatter of my profile is enough to drive me nuts let alone anyone else! :)
Belle Yang says:
Ryoma
So how many Collias have you collected? And do they write you in Italian?
It wasn't mean of me to delete, because if I dont know those people, they sure as hell don't know who I am. And the guy with 2000 friends would have noticed my disappearance as much as he would if a fly died in the forest.
Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:
Blimey, I would never call you mean!
Crickey heck no! LOL! No, no, no. I think Jessica and yourself have the right idea. :)
It's why I analysed my 'list' because most are acquaintances, the handful of true friends I have I am very fortunate to have and do not take for granted and I don't actually like calling all the people on Facebook 'friend' as it is not who they are and I think most people would accept that of their own 'friends' list too. :)
I'm not sure but I think I have managed to find over 115-120 Collias (I thought it was 90). Some have made real connections with others because of Gina and myself which is wonderful - that's wonderful when it happens. I personally have found 3 or 4 Collias who I get on well with and enjoy 'talking' to in Spanish, Italian and French.
I use Babelfish to translate what is said but this has had it's drawbacks. I told one Collia that she was a 'Great Lady with fabulous taste'. The translation (I discovered afterwards) was that she was a 'Large Woman with big tastes'! Oh dear! LOL!!! Fortunately she is very laid back and let me off without shooting me!
Belle Yang says:
There are such strong Romantic ties
between the British and the Italian. Music and literature. The Grand Tours always included a stay in Florence.
I'm reminded of he Rosetti family who painted and wrote poetry.
Ellen R. Sheeley says:
The older I get, the
The older I get, the choosier I am about whom I surround myself with and how I manage my time. Like you, I am less patient than I once was with hangers on and people who deplete me. Does this mean we are becoming codgers?
Belle Yang says:
I'm proud to be a codger,
but my face says something else, and people don't like that discrepancy!
A friend tells me to "pitch a bitch" when I meet with rude sales peope, but women don't get to "pitch a bitch" without being received as a bitch. A man can pitch a bitch and get results.
I usually do it in writing after I get home--and my words never betray me.
I think I reach out to people who seem "weak" and in need. I helped Annettee Sphaghettee by contacting the boy who used to call her names ("The Missing Link") and asking him to apologize, but I didn't expect that she would consider me her best friend and move in ;)
Great to hear form you Ellen.
Ellen R. Sheeley says:
People tell me I appear
People tell me I appear younger than my years, too. I'll embrace my codgerdom when it comes, but for now I think we both might be either old souls or young-ish fogeys. :-)
Nice to see you back, Belle. I hope this means you are feeling much better.
Belle Yang says:
Ellen
age is hard to tell with Asians and black irises, especially the latter. Yes, I'm 99%.