Have you ever had one of your books banned?

Me neither. But, every year, usually late in September, an organization known as the ALA (I'll guess it means the American Libary Association) observes "Banned Books Week." I was invited to take part this year in San Francisco, at the Main Library on October 1st. I could read from a banned book, or a banned anything: book, short story, poem, or song (And, who knows? Maybe, one day, a banned blog or tweet).

"Song"? Hmm. Every month, except this one (I have prized tix for a Giants-Dodgers game), I do a ripped-from-the-headlines sendup of Bob Dylan's "Rainy Day Women (12+35)" at El Rio, a tres groovy bar here in SF. Sometimes, people ask for copies of the lyrics after my (and the stellar band, Los Train Wreck's) performance. 

Since the person who was inviting me to the Banned event was also the leader of the Wreck -- you know her; you love her: Kathi Kamen Goldmark -- I thought, what about a "Rainy Day" about villified volumes? So, just a little while ago, I cranked it out. So, this is what I'll be doing, in support of "Banned Books Week," musicians willing. October 1st, lunchtime, Main Library. Remember, think Dylan. Think "Everybody must get stoned." 

And if you've got better lyrics, rhymes, or whatever, let me have 'em. I love stealing others' work!

They’ll stone you when you’re trying to be so good

They’ll stone you just like they said they would

They’ll ban you if you write a scary book

They’ll ban it and then they’ll say, “Good Luck!”

But we cannot let our books be banned …Everybody must demand!

They’ll stone you and they’ll scare you with a scowl

For reading that obscenity called “Howl”

In Russia, don’t get caught with Doc Zhivago

And learn to pronounce Gulag Archipelago!

But we cannot let those works be banned …Everybody must demand!

They’ll ban you if your work is full of curses

Or overloaded with Satanic Verses

They’ll stone you if you’re Lady Chatterley’s romancer

They’ll stone you while you’re in the Tropic of Cancer

But we cannot let those books be banned …Everybody must demand!

They’ll stone you when you’re sitting on the floor

Enjoying Orwell’s 1984

They’ll stone you till your nose is good ‘n’ bloody

Because you chose “Zhuan Falun” to study

But we cannot let those books be banned …Everybody must demand!

They’ll stone you when you’re up on Fanny Hill

Enjoying a poem by Lenore Kandel

They’d ban what else? I think I’ve got a hunch

You guessed it: Burroughs and his Naked Lunch

But we cannot let those works be banned …Everybody must demand!

They’ll stone you if you think in ways contrary

They’ll ban your books from all the main libraries

The list of controversial books will dwindle

Good thing I’ve got some loaded in my Kindle

But I actually feel a bit alone, ‘cause nobody has banned this song!