The Cry of the Oil Addict -- A Dramatic Essay
Hey, Buddy... can you stop a second?
Yeah. You. Can I talk to you for a minute?
No! Don't look at me like that.
GET BACK HERE! Don't walk away! You gotta LISTEN to me!
Seriously!
I know I have a problem. I understand that. I admit it. I'm an addict. And admitting you are an addict is the first step towards sobriety. So it's not like I'm trying to say I don't have a problem.
It's not an easy thing to admit. It might not look like it, but I do still have a bit of self pride, you know...
But.... MAN! I need some OIL, dude! I mean I need it RIGHT NOW!
I really should get off the stuff. And I plan to. I really do! As soon as I get my head straight, I'm gonna look into alternative sources of energy. I'm talkin' about wind, solar, and yes -- even nuclear.
But MAN!!! SHOW ME SOME PITY , MAN!!! I need me some OIL before I can do all that!
Look at me. I'm SHAKING!
I promise. You go ahead and drill, dude, and I PROMISE ! We'll build new factories that put people to work as they build new energy efficient cars. RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA, dude!
BUT I NEED SOME G*D DAMN OIL, MAN! I NEED IT RIGHT F*CKING NOW!!!
I AM NOT YELLING!!!
OK, you're right. I should tone it down a little. I'm sorry if I scared you. But it's just that... I NEED it, man!
I know... I know... I know...
If you started drilling right now, it would be decades before it made any real difference in the price of gas and the amount of supply. And a big part of what comes out of the ground is just gonna go to feed the oil burning industries in China and India and other places not here.... but I JUST CAN'T WAIT ANY MORE!!!
DRILL! DRILL HERE!!! DRILL NOW!!!
LOOK! I've got my ARM out! And as soon as I see the needle, I just KNOW the price of a gallon of gas is gonna drop 20 cents! It's PSYCHOLOGICAL, man, don't you KNOW that?
Don't give me that look.
I know there are better ways to save energy. I don't wanna f*cking HEAR about inflating tires or keeping engines tuned, or using public transportation, or global warming or greenhouse gases...
I JUST WANT MY F*CKING OIL!!! GIVE ME MY F*CKING OIL, OR I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL KILL YOUR F*CKING KIDS IN A WAR IN SOME FAR OFF F*CKING HELL HOLE TO GET THAT F*CKING OIL!!!
Do you HEAR me???
DRILL HERE!!! DRILL NOW!!!
Or you'll be sorry! I swear to almighty GOD you'll be sorry!
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Huntington Sharp says:
It's funny because...
...it's true?
Hmm. Maybe not so funny after all. But still true.
Huntington Sharp, Red Room