Red Room Where the Writers Are

Never use the modifier "That's the least you could do." You will inevitably be proven to have overestimated the other person.

Never put the bread crumbs canister next to the Crystal Light Peach Tea Canister. The two look surprisingly similar and if you mess that up even one time, you won't be allowed to make the dinner drinks ever again.

Never entrust a secret to a person under the age of five.  Or just to be safe, over the age of five, either.

Never be like that guy I used to work with who was a total gossip. I heard he stole office supplies, too.

Never eat hot wings & jalepeno chips right before bedtime. Nothing good can come from that.

Never promise your child, "This won't hurt!" when it will. They remember those betrayals.

Never tell your child, "This will hurt me more than it hurts you" when you punish them. They aren't buying what you're selling. Instead, I tell them, "this hurts me, too.  But my pain is from the deep, psychological wound inflicted upon our relationship that can't be healed by mere bandaids and topical salves." It's more emotionally honest.

Never say "Stop! Hammer Time!" unless you really mean it and are prepared to deal with the consequences.

Never start a list that you did not first know how to bring to a close.

Never umm...do something...that...err...you shouldn't do...when...well..you could...do something differenter or betterly.

Never give a six year old a pocket knife as a gift. You'll just end up taking it back for a few years and doing a Google search for "Upholstery Repair."

Never give away apples or pretzels at  Halloween unless you want all the neighborhood kids to loathe you.

Never get a family pet without first preparing how to break the news that the pet has died. I grew up thinking that every family dog we ever had "ran away." This caused me to question homeland security as well as my own living conditions.

Never let an older brother "practice his wrestling moves." It's not as fun as it might seem at first.

Never miss a chance to visit my blog.  It's the least you could do.