You know those stupid bumper stickers on the back of delivery trucks, "How am I driving?" Well, I know a number of you are wondering some version of that for me: "How's Ericka doing?"  

So here's a brief progress report on me.

Two months after Bill's death, and Annie, I, and the rest of his family and friends are starting to consider the new "normal," our lives without him, unbelievable as that still seems.

Some days I'm fine. Some days it just really, really sucks. Most days it's in the middle, with some fine and some suck. In other words, about what you'd expect. I sure am learning a lot, whoo boy.

The support of our friends and family remains incredibly strong. We're being Love Bombed, and it feels lovely and it's keeping us going.

We are still being fed by people a couple of days a week (if you want to help you can contact Susan Ito -- susan@susanito.com to sign up) and it's a good thing, as I've largely forgotten how to cook. Cooking takes focus, and I've been a little spacey. I know I'm landing back on the planet a bit, though, because I made a mean osso bucco last week, and I'm no longer burning the pots. I have NOT, by the way, forgotten how to eat.

I've been writing only minimally. Do Facebook updates and Twitter tweets count? Again, it's a focus issue. So the column is on a brief hiatus, the blog is intermittent, the creative writing is... stalled, and I'm not submitting work right now -- getting rejections wouldn't feel very good right now.  

BUT I'm spending a lot of time taking care of myself: dancing, therapy, hiking, meditating, planting a garden, visiting with friends. I'm being mindful of the grief process ... doing the things I need to get me through. I'm fortunate that I have all sorts of amazing resources available. Including all of you.

I'm still filling out forms galore but the stack of paperwork is diminishing. I'm still slacking off at my Cal job but there's some wiggle room there in terms of time -- and I'm taking advantage of it. I'll start teaching fulltime again in July.

I still hate phone calls after dusk. I still am lousy about answering emails, though I love getting them. But I'm starting to go out at night sometimes, the overpowering fatigue I was feeling has subsided, at least for now, and I'm having fun. Fun is good.

And financially -- I'm telling you this because I know people are worried -- I'm halfway between beans and caviar. I'm not rich (hardly), but UC benefits will pay my mortgage, Social Security has kicked in for Annie until she's out of high school, I've got money in the bank and ... unlike so many people right now ... I have a JOB. So whew.

Hey ... does anybody want to buy a 2008 grey Mazda Miata MX5 with black convertible top? Perfect condition. 10K miles. Extended warranty. FUN to drive. Owner (me) motivated to sell.

FINALLY, UC Berkeley's Haas School of Business and the Beahrs Environmental Leadership Program (ELP) at the College of Natural Resources is hosting a memorial celebration for Bill on Sunday March 15, from 1:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m., at the International House’s Chevron Auditorium.

March 15 would have been Bill Sonnenschein’s 60th birthday. You are all invited.

Love,
The Widow-Diva Lutz
a.k.a.
Ericka