Diary of a divorced woman - 1
The other day I was faced with an unusual remark: “You don’t look like a divorcee.”
This was a hip woman who had seen enough of the world to be eligible for emotional qualifier miles.
I did not know her well enough. Someone had just introduced us and in passing mentioned my ‘status’. She had given me the once-over and then with her heavily kohl-lined small round eyes, she had looked at my mouth, now slightly agape, and pronounced those words.
It was as though she thought all the answers were held in those parted lips.
If she were a friend, then I would have quarrelled with her; if she was someone I disliked, I would have been catty. She was no one. Yet, she had branded me.
I merely shrugged and, fortunately, it was time to leave.
Was this a case of projection or protection? I would never meet her again, so why was judging me important for her? Did it make her feel better or worse? Was it about her or me?
Standing before the full-length mirror later, I began to wonder what a divorcee was supposed to look like. I needn’t have bothered.
When I was married, they said I did not look married.
When I was young and innocent, they said I had been around.
When I was old enough to have been around, they said I had that pure, sublime look.
When I show them a bit of my light, they look for my shadow.
When I sit in the dark, they flash a torchlight at me.
If I listened to all those voices, I would never be able to speak. Or enjoy the tranquillity of quietude.
I am not yet ready to lose myself.
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Abdelwahab Hammoudi says:
This just called...
Do you know that what you have been describing is jsut....hypocrisy?
You're right,when you lie,when you are hypocrite you just lose yourself!
Hammoudi
PS :Would you watch the short film:"Blowing in the wind",just to forget this odd encounter of another kind?
Farzana Versey says:
Hmm...
Oh, you said in a word what I took so many to describe! But then this is all about expression...and depression.
Hypocrisy it is.
~F
PS: I want to watch all those films, and I am hoping my connection works well enough.
Sue Glasco says:
Her odd comment...
As you noted, most of us have no idea what a divorced woman looks like. (There might be clues to a married womean--baby spit up on a fresh blouse, harried nervousness because she needs to be home and fix her husband his next meal, etc. etc.) But what does the average or sterotypical divorced woman look like? And despite the sometime clues, many married women don't have those clues because we are all different. Some divorced women have a ring on their left hand and some do not. The woman was not as "hip" as you thought or she would have known she did not know what she thought she knew.
Farzana Versey says:
Does it make me less of a
Does it make me less of a divorcee as I wear rings on any finger where the ring fits?! Sue, at the time I was quite frankly flummoxed. Except for a few telltale signs, that vary in different cultures, we are individuals. And you are right. 'Hip' is superficial...
PS: I know some married women who look miserable (and married men too, just to make it gender unspecific):)
~F
Sue Glasco says:
Some are miserable
Some are miserable. Many of us (men and women) are miserabale sometimes and gloriously and gratefully happy to be married the rest of the time. Ha. Ha. I bet the same could be said of divorcees. One divorced friend of mine assures me that these post-marriage years are the happiest years of her life. Considering all the misery her ex-husband put her through, she certainly deserves some happy times. I am happy for her.