I really enjoyed reading this, Gerard. It has great energy, it plays on the past but in kind of a kicky homage-y way, and it's great fun. It's fun to read, and it reads like it was fun to write. I'm looking forward to Chapter 2.

If the goal is to publish it as a book as a stepping stone to a movie/tIv show, I wonder if there's some sort of fun alternative way to publish it, like including a chapter in popcorn boxes at the movies (okay, too greasy, but you get the idea) and then if they want to read further, they can buy the book...? the thing is, it's lots of fun, so figuring out a fun way to distribute it and get a buzz going so Mr. Hollywood agent can sell it, that's the trick.

While reading your story I couldn’t help but think about that classic Mel Brooks film, The Producers. There is the same sense of farce, satire, and parody in your writing. There is also a bit of absurdist style as well; this is most notable during Ed and Johnny’s pitch to Zanuck, the producer. In that scene you brilliantly reference one of Martin Scorsese’s most controversial films, in an era where it does not quite belong. The end result is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I’m anxiously waiting to find out what happens next.

I echo a lot of Thomas' comments.  The Taxi Driver pitch made me giggle, especially trying to imagine Liz Taylor as Jodie Foster.  The writing is very succinct and evocative, I have no trouble picturing their hotel room, the studio office, Betty Grable's outfit,  without pages of description. 

The 40s Hollywood studio setting, especially Zanuck, reminded me a bit of the musical City of Angels, but thats not a bad thing.  Id like to read more of it. 

Maire