It’s time for fast food Peep people. All the rage this week is a video featuring of a Domino’s Pizza employee sticking cheese in his nose before putting it on a sandwich. Then he farts on some salami and wipes his naked butt with a dish-cloth before using it to wash some dishes. All the while his coworker films and laughs hysterically. YouTube has deleted the videos, but this site here has a bunch that, last time I checked, were working just fine.

Look when I was 16 and worked at the Burger King in Montgomery Mall in Montgomery County, Rockville, Maryland, me and my friend did some pretty nasty stuff to the food. I drooled on some burgers, included a nose nugget in a guy’s chicken sandwich, and so on. I’m not proud of it, well, okay, I’m a little proud of the take-out burger I made for a woman who wanted extra ketchup and pickles — I gave her only ketchup and pickles, triple wrapped so the two inch layer of ketchup wouldn’t ooze out. (Alright, I’m not proud of it anymore, and I am officially apologizing for that action which probably ruined an anonymous stranger’s night.) Anyway, I also know for a fact that my friends working at the Popeye’s a few minutes down the road did even worse stuff including pouring de-greaser into the grease frier to see what would happen and then cooking chicken in it.

 want peep with that?

So fast food workers doing gross things isn’t new. There’s a reason I never eat fast food ever. (Also it tastes like crap.) What is new, of course, is the urge to peep. It’s funnier if someone’s filming it. It’s funnier if you are imagining it being watched by millions on YouTube. You. Little old you, lowly Domino’s pizza kitchen worker, turning your life into mass entertainment.

We didn’t have the cameras when we were teens. If we did we probably would have taken the videos too. Or maybe not. The two in the Domino’s video don’t seem very bright. But can we really blame them? It’s peep. It’s irresistible.

Anyway, I’m not content with bringing you just the latest news. What else is out there in Peepville with a fast food theme? I asked myself. Oh boy. I found a Peep story so unbelievable even I was floored. It goes back to 2004 when a man called a Kentucky McDonald’s and said he was a police officer. He then described a particular young teenage female employee and claimed she was a thief. He then convinced several different employees (as well as one employee’s then fiancee) to strip search and torture this girl. They kept her confined for 3 hours and eventually the poor girl was sexually assaulted. The entire scenario was captured on surveillance cameras. The police station where the guy was claiming to be calling from was 15 minutes away.

Naturally, something as incredibly stupid and titillating as this was going to get out: after the man impersonating the cop, the man who did the sexual assault and the woman who originally took the call and spear-headed the confinement and strip search were all arrested, ABC PrimeTime Live used the surveillance footage and tearful interviews with the teenage girl and the  McDonald’s employees to peep this incident for all it was worth.

But it’s not over yet! Next up: the ABC segment goes to YouTube where it has, to date, been viewed by 1,042,604 people.

Next up: the uncensored surveillance tape featuring the abused girl being forced to do nude jumping jacks makes it out to various sicko peep sites. (I’m not linking to it, but it’s out there. If you want to see it, you’re on your own.)

From these two stories we can conclude the following: In the age of Peep, if there is video, it will be seen sooner or later, and whatever stupid, humiliating, horrible things happen, they will never ever go away.

As for fast food workers, well, I think it’s safe to say that they aren’t always the brightest lights. I should know. I used to be one of them.