 Red Room Writer Profile
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Heywood Gould's Blog
November 25, 2009
- Igor Yopsvoyomatsky, editor-in-chief of paranoiaisfact.com, guest columnist for the Daily Event, answers readers' questions. Dear Igor, When the upcoming terrorist trials were announced my husband Todd rented a back hoe and started digging an underground bunker in our front yard. He's down there now, about sixty feet underground, and won't even come up for cuddles. Todd says the trials are ...
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November 12, 2009
- STEALING FROM THE DEADIt's 1961 and the CIA has decided to ruin my life. It wasn't enough that they created Islamic fundamentalism to overthrow the Government of Iran, provoked, funded and then ignored insurrections in Eastern Europe, slipped LSD to unsuspecting dissidents, destroyed democracy in Guatemala to save United Fruit, masterminded a disastrous invasion of Cuba to prevent it from ...
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October 23, 2009
- I MEET THE FIXER. It's 1960. The US is beginning its longest period of economic expansion in history. But as business booms disillusion gnaws at the national psyche. The Russians shoot down the U2, an American spy plane. President Eisenhower disavows its mission, then backs off and becomes the first American president to admit he has lied. There are bloody uprisings in the Asian and ...
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October 14, 2009
- It's Brooklyn 1958 and nobody has ever heard of the "Mafia." The word is never mentioned in the black and white B movies (later reborn as noir masterpieces) which we see on rainy Saturdays. There it's the "Syndicate," usually located in a luxurious office with a view of downtown LA, the San Gabriel mountains super-imposed in the distance. In the movies, the "boss" ...
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October 2, 2009
- FALSELY ACCUSED, FOR A CHANGE. It's 1958 and America needs workers. The New York City high school school system offers vocational training for those students who plan to skip college and go right into the work force. Girls can learn secretarial and bookkeeping skills at Washington Irving and Eastern District High Schools. Grady and Chelsea Vocational will teach you how to be a carpenter; ...
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September 19, 2009
- I GET CAUGHT STEALINGIt's September 1957 and World War II hasn't ended. Every man I know is still reliving his time in the "service." My Uncle Sammy was drafted at age 38 and spent four years " talkin' to the god damn goats" in the Galapagos Islands and running a laundry for the troops. My Uncle Willie flew sixty-seven missions as a tail gunner, way above the maximum ...
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September 4, 2009
- MY FIRST REALLY NICE FOUNTAIN PENIt's the summer of '57. America has never been more prosperous--or more paranoid. The serpent of Communism lurks in our post war Eden, threatening to tempt us, corrupt us, brainwash us, conquer us by force or subversion. Thousands have been fired, blacklisted, even imprisoned on the mere suspicion ...
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August 27, 2009
- The Daily Event is proud to have Igor Yopsvoyomatsky, editor-in chief of paranoiaisfact.com, to answers readers' questions. Dear Igor, I sell souvenirs to tourists on the Staten Island Ferry and after eight years of Dubya I can't give America away. Nobody wants Statue of Liberty piggy banks, FBI caps, "Brooklyn Rules" tees...Not even Michael Jackson wind up dolls. People used to ...
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August 18, 2009
- NEW YORK, N.Y., August 18..Leah Schldkraut has a rallying cry: "Interns of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your non-paying, exploitative jobs." Schildkraut, youth labor specialist of the Anarcho-Feminist coalition, issued a call today for "all unpaid interns in all fields" to observe a general strike on August 21st. "Demand an end to this insidious form ...
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July 2, 2009
- It's 1973 and nobody goes home until they run out of money, drugs or hope. At 3:45 am Le jardin in the Hotel Diplomat on Times Square, is so crowded that short people are having trample anxiety. The dance floor is too jammed to do anything but bump and grind. The DJ has forsworn elegant variation and is blasting one jump tune after another. Drunks pass out and are held up by the crowd. People ...
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June 17, 2009
- IS THAT REALLY BIANCA JAGGER? So I'm tending bar in the newest, hippest club in the universe. Before the night is over I might even make cigarette change for a celebrity. But I'm still a scuffler who pays child support with crumpled tip money. Le jardin is dead and it looks like I'm going to get stiffed on a Saturday night. A little after 11 o'clock a haggard dude with a gray ponytail bops out ...
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June 11, 2009
- DISCO FEVER NEW YORK, July '73... Discos have exploded out of the hard partying gay sub culture. Everybody wants to wear glitter...Get loaded...Dance with wild abandon... Everybody but me. I want to get a pastrami sandwich and go to the James Cagney festival at the Bleecker Cinema. It's a drug culture. Booze is not a factor. Most places just serve juice to wash down the drugs. And the drugs ...
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May 28, 2009
- MY FIRST DISCOTHEQUE PARIS, 1961. Grown ups run the world. Nobody has heard of Vietnam. Doris Day is Number One at the box office. Every time Mickey Mantle hits a home run the Yankees send 5000 cartons of Camels to the Veterans hospitals. Men wear fedoras and couples hold each other when they dance. The big thing is to be a "non-conformist." Jean Paul Belmondo in Breathless is my ...
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May 20, 2009
- THE HOTTEST SPOT IN TOWN July '73, Times Square, New York...There's a recession on, but you can't tell by me. I've got a bar job-- twenty-seven bucks a night and all the goldfish I can eat. It's at the Hotel Diplomat, an SRO on 43rd. St. and Sixth Ave. We call it "the Roach Motel" because once you check in you don't check out. Half the tenants are seniors, shuffling around the mahogany ...
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May 5, 2009
- WALL STREET, N.Y., May 1...Declaring that "only collective action can restore our faith in ourselves and each other," writer Igor Yopsvoyomatsky yesterday urged every American to "stop spending" for one day next week. Speaking to a boisterous crowd in New York's financial district, Yopsvoyomatsky said: "The neuro-economic manipulators have addicted us to ...
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