Blog Posts for Heywood Gould

AutoBarography 8: MY CAREER AS A PETTY THIEF/PART SIX

Heywood Gould — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:22:49 -0800

STEALING FROM THE DEADIt's 1961 and the CIA has decided to ruin my life. It wasn't enough that they created Islamic fundamentalism to overthrow the Government of Iran, provoked, funded and then ignored insurrections in Eastern Europe, slipped LSD to unsuspecting dissidents, destroyed democracy in Guatemala to save United Fruit, masterminded a disastrous invasion of Cuba to prevent it from ...

AutoBARography 8: MY CAREER AS A PETTY THIEF/PART FIVE

Heywood Gould — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:05:56 -0700

I MEET THE FIXER. It's 1960. The US is beginning its longest period of economic expansion in history. But as business booms disillusion gnaws at the national psyche. The Russians shoot down the U2, an American spy plane. President Eisenhower disavows its mission, then backs off and becomes the first American president to admit he has lied. There are bloody uprisings in the Asian and ...

AutoBARography 8: MY CAREER AS A PETTY THIEF/PART FOUR

Heywood Gould — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:05:19 -0700

It's Brooklyn 1958 and nobody has ever heard of the "Mafia." The word is never mentioned in the black and white B movies (later reborn as noir masterpieces) which we see on rainy Saturdays. There it's the "Syndicate," usually located in a luxurious office with a view of downtown LA, the San Gabriel mountains super-imposed in the distance. In the movies, the "boss" ...

AutoBarography 8: MY CAREER AS A PETTY THIEF/PART THREE

Heywood Gould — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:22:41 -0700

FALSELY ACCUSED, FOR A CHANGE. It's 1958 and America needs workers. The New York City high school school system offers vocational training for those students who plan to skip college and go right into the work force. Girls can learn secretarial and bookkeeping skills at Washington Irving and Eastern District High Schools. Grady and Chelsea Vocational will teach you how to be a carpenter; ...

AutoBARography 8: MY CAREER AS A PETTY THIEF/PART TWO

Heywood Gould — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 14:37:24 -0700

I GET CAUGHT STEALINGIt's September 1957 and World War II hasn't ended. Every man I know is still reliving his time in the "service." My Uncle Sammy was drafted at age 38 and spent four years " talkin' to the god damn goats" in the Galapagos Islands and running a laundry for the troops. My Uncle Willie flew sixty-seven missions as a tail gunner, way above the maximum ...

AutoBarography 8: MY CAREER AS A PETTY THIEF/PART ONE

Heywood Gould — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:00:52 -0700

MY FIRST REALLY NICE FOUNTAIN PENIt's the summer of '57. America has never been more prosperous--or more paranoid. The serpent of Communism lurks in our post war Eden, threatening to tempt us, corrupt us, brainwash us, conquer us by force or subversion. Thousands have been fired, blacklisted, even imprisoned on the mere suspicion ...

Will America Ever Be Cool Again?

Heywood Gould — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:01:14 -0700

The Daily Event is proud to have Igor Yopsvoyomatsky, editor-in chief of paranoiaisfact.com, to answers readers' questions. Dear Igor, I sell souvenirs to tourists on the Staten Island Ferry and after eight years of Dubya I can't give America away. Nobody wants Statue of Liberty piggy banks, FBI caps, "Brooklyn Rules" tees...Not even Michael Jackson wind up dolls. People used to ...

ACTIVIST URGES INTERNS TO DECLARE GENERAL STRIKE

Heywood Gould — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 09:12:24 -0700

NEW YORK, N.Y., August 18..Leah Schldkraut has a rallying cry: "Interns of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your non-paying, exploitative jobs." Schildkraut, youth labor specialist of the Anarcho-Feminist coalition, issued a call today for "all unpaid interns in all fields" to observe a general strike on August 21st. "Demand an end to this insidious form ...

AutoBARography 7: MY SHORT CAREER AS A GAY BARTENDER/PART FIVE

Heywood Gould — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:00:33 -0700

It's 1973 and nobody goes home until they run out of money, drugs or hope. At 3:45 am Le jardin in the Hotel Diplomat on Times Square, is so crowded that short people are having trample anxiety. The dance floor is too jammed to do anything but bump and grind. The DJ has forsworn elegant variation and is blasting one jump tune after another. Drunks pass out and are held up by the crowd. People ...

AutoBARography 7: MY SHORT CAREER AS A GAY BARTENDER/PART 4

Heywood Gould — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:58:55 -0700

IS THAT REALLY BIANCA JAGGER? So I'm tending bar in the newest, hippest club in the universe. Before the night is over I might even make cigarette change for a celebrity. But I'm still a scuffler who pays child support with crumpled tip money. Le jardin is dead and it looks like I'm going to get stiffed on a Saturday night. A little after 11 o'clock a haggard dude with a gray ponytail bops out ...