Red Room Where the Writers Are

I've been suffering from the end of summer blues. I always forget I get sad during August, so when it hits me I think oh God, what's going on? Then I look at the calendar. It's Labor day coming up. I see that comic caricature of Jerry Lewis plugging the Labor Day telethon.  Remember when the Labor Day telethon was a big deal? Jerry Lewis would be up for two nights straight and one year he sang a Barry Manilow song. Those were the days, my friends.

            It is also the time of year when school supplies are being sold. Now this, this I never minded. For I love buying notebooks. Some ladies have a thing for shoes, some ladies have a thing for designer labels. Me? I'm a notebook girl, through and through.

            I've always loved writing in notebooks. I started writing in them in 1991 when I read Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. She recommended writing in notebooks because you can write the worst junk in the world and no one will see it. In addition, notebooks are pretty cheap, two dollars for a 70-page one. I always would buy about twenty of them during back to school time and write in them throughout the year.

What I do is I get ones that have cartoons on the covers. Sad but true. However, as Goldberg said, having cartoons on the covers helps keep better track of what I've written. Notebooks are also easier to cart along in purses and bags. I can't do hardcover journals because of my handwriting-because my handwriting is so bad I always feel like I ruin these beautiful books with my bad handwriting. Give me a notebook and I'm a happy clam.

            In 1992 were the Ariel The Little Mermaid notebooks where I filled up notebook after notebook of how much I wanted Bill Clinton as president. I was twenty and so young. If you told me back then I voted against his wife in the Democratic primaries I would've told you no, I wouldn't do that. They were good people. Sure they had their problems but he won't hurt her again. Little did we all know.

            1993 I was in London so I brought some Lisa Frank notebooks. In case you haven't seen Lisa Frank's notebooks, boy, they are just bright, eye-catching. Usually it's these Bratz-looking girls posing or dolphins in the water or mermaids. I had terrible insomia my first days there so I filled up one notebook with illegible scratching that mostly read, "I'VE MADE A MISTAKE. I'M NEVER GOING TO SLEEP. I WANT TO GO HOME." Back then, I was taking myself very seriously, reading Joyce Carol Oates and wanting to be published, be Serious. Okay, I was writing in Lisa Frank notebooks that had poodles on them, but still, I was Serious. I wondered when I donated my notebooks to libraries what people would think. Then I realize they couldn't read my handwriting because it was so bad.

            1994-I developed a practice that I wrote everyday in my notebook. I just decided no matter what, I was going to write. I wrote essays, short stories, and each week I would type out one thing I wrote that I wanted workshoped and brought it. The notebooks I had back then had Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Simba.

            1995-More Lisa Frank notebooks, and I had a Bugs Bunny series I worked through. This was the year of the Magic Eye. Remember the Magic Eye, where you stared and stared at this picture and it was supposed to be something great? I think I strained several eye muscles to find the hidden picture with no luck. I did buy a great book called The Writer's Notebook with writers showing their notebooks. My favorite entry was from poet Brenda Hillman who wrote in August 1990. "Iraq just invaded Kuwait. Bush is fishing. My period is due."

            1996-This year I had a series of Pocahontas notebooks from the Disney movie, plus this was around the time when I started doing my Morning Pages as well-so I was increasing the notebook input. I remember this year just writing repeatedly towards the end of it how sad I was when my grandfather died. I would later read an entry saying God, why are you doing this to us? Why did you take him away?  There was a part of me that wanted a response, to God to write back to me and say why.

            1997- I had a lot of Winnie the Pooh notebooks that year, plus a lot of dolphins and nature ones of bees and penguins. I was trying to write a novel and it wasn't going well.

            1998-Still not doing great with the novel and the notebooks-I had Barbie notebooks and Hercules notebooks as well. I did fill up one notebook that had the Melrose Place cast on it to save money one summer.

            1999-I continued with my Winnie the Pooh notebooks and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do next with my work, with my life.

            2000-2008-Well, this is the tricky part, and how my addiction is out of hand.  My handwriting was getting to the point when even I couldn't read it anymore, and I realized that it was getting too frustrating to try and figure out what I wrote. I finally took a formal typing class and learned how to touch type. I always knew how to type but I did a lot of hunt and peck and made mistakes. Not this time. I learned to pace myself and not make mistakes, and if I did make mistakes, to go back and correct them before the time is up.

            I hardly re-read the stuff in my old notebooks and recycled a bunch of them a couple of years ago. They were there when I needed them, and when I don't need them I like to think they are part of a newspaper or glass or something.

            However, I still buy notebooks. I buy notebooks with Mickey Mouse on the cover, or Hello Kitty, or Princesses. What do I do with them? I like knowing they are there and if I need them, I can pick up an old Backstreet Boys notebook and fill it up. Or if I know a kid that might need notebooks for the next school year, five of them will be on their front step. At Mills, I gave them out to people who needed them for their writing.

            I always carry around a notebook (right now I'm doing a Disney Princess series) so if something does come to me, I can write it down. My handwriting isn't too bad these days but it's not perfect, however usually I have a way of figuring out my handwriting. One thing hasn't changed: I love the opening page of a notebook. I love looking at the straight red line margin, and the blank page. I put the date down. Then I start to write.