Red Room Where the Writers Are

If I don’t get up this Sunday and sink myself in my picnic chair with my laptop in front- I may develop a permanent twitch! Not sure what I can call this state I am in, definitely afraid to think “midlife crisis” is setting in as I try very hard calling from memory my primary school graduation- in fact, I don’t remember the whole ceremony at all! It seemed to be a big playtime, all those seven years. Nothing serious to remember except the interesting characters there were around me. In fact, I have picked up lifetime friends along the way. One friend I kept since primary school, and a few from Highschool. I have wisely forged a more lasting bond with them, because they are Godparents to my children. So far, the past 38 years, I could squarely say, I have no regrets. That despite the uncertainties, certain gut feels are right for me.

After hiding under a rock for a much longer time I had spent my entire schooling, this pesky caprice to search for my classmates whose full names I can still pronounce has consumed me nowadays. What is it with my life now tells me to reach back and connect? Maybe, it was the fun memories, the rawness of youth, and the simplicity of the past when the rule of the land inside class is the teachers which then shifts to my folks when I get home.

No matter how hard I try, I could not fairly say, campus life was tough for me, even after I throw in the bullies who ruled the corridors. Possibly, that I may have forgiven the transgressions of the past- my own and others’, perhaps I have made peace with myself that being a parent to a highschool senior and a college freshman has paved the way for some mistakes, I may be in some ways paying for now. (My parents would be so comforted to read this!)

I was not the social kind. I never bothered to join soirees, passed on Balls and Proms as they seem to me a waste of effort and money for my parents whose burden I tried to ease by not imposing these unimportant collective compulsions from school.

We do ease by, some through the work of our hands, while to some, with a lot of help from others. I often find myself alone in dealing with my needs, and today, I thank those instances for the strength I have as a person. Being the eldest in the family, the role has shaped me to be the go-getter, be result-oriented and the one to set the right example. Oh boy! I was never the right one for the job, especially the last criterion. I was too full of energy, too much of a searcher, too tentative and I do not learn ‘the lesson’ too easily to a fault. I therefore, get punished for a few similar mistakes.

I am telling you, it is extremely difficult to be all that, when the spirit of youth, curiosity and responsibility is swimming inside the same pool in the head. It was not so long ago, when I had to painstakingly recall classroom lessons and textbooks luckily are still used by the system- some of which I did not pay too much attention to in school to be able to play effective sounding board and study mate to my girls.

It may be, that the best way I could relive my campus days is to stay in tune with my girls’ ‘RIGHT NOW’. Despite the age gap and our roles in the family, I am the one scraping the barrel to be able to catch up. The only role I could (probably) ace is being MOM. Of course, sometimes, that too has its challenges, notably every time I forget how I was when I was my girls’ age. But I can’t always be the COOL one during moments when I had to bring out the rod, called Mom, and this requires huge tempering.

So I make up for these times,  by chatting about crushes and the boys in school,  their favorite subjects,  a few stuff I manage to grab when I spot a few items that will not trouble my budget (unscheduled spot gifts would spice up any ordinary day),  salon sessions that have now dwindled to few and far between due to my current schedule and of course,  the teasing they get when an exciting topic is talked about during dinner.

And luckily, their Papa, as composed as he could be, would join in to add to the boisterous banters. All of these are of course unique to me and this family- customize your topics and be keen about what your kids are truly into these days to make for an effective family time.

It would be interesting and helpful to find out if your children/child was ever like you in school.

      Give our experiences a lasting purpose, because whatever wisdom we have earned from the mistakes we have made would be best fulfilled by becoming the yardstick through which our kids could base their encounters from and hopefully give us a new personality as their friend and less as the antagonist.

I am beginning to realize that there is much more to school than the content of my teachers’ lesson plans, and the tiring exams and surprise quizzes, and the confusing group projects I more than wished to complete alone.

 Today, give ourselves the lesson of true understanding, of why the youth is often restless, sometimes listless and often very naïve.

I have found the purpose of my past, and it is not just about connecting with old classmates, but in making sense of what the youth go through each day in school and what the parents go through as well.

In understanding our parents.

They were just like us when we were young, so during moments of clashes and confusion,

      Do keep in mind that the gap in age only means, our folks have gone through so much more than us, and just maybe,(and I now sincerely know it is) the essence of their advice is truly worth considering

      Parents are human too, despite the monstrous image we oftentimes see them to be, especially during heights of admonition and punishments, pay attention to the message and not in the failings of a kinder word, lower pitch or a more humane timing. They too have so much in their minds that you can only begin to imagine.

      Parents often check themselves against certain higher standards. Sometimes, when a small concern seem to have been blown up out of proportion, it may be because they too are disappointed that they may not be making the grade as ‘good’ parents as well

       It is utterly difficult juggling being a parent, a child, a sister or a brother, a friend and a professional and expect that they will all turn-in first rate scores for these roles. Even parents need a lot of understanding.

       There is no ‘parenting school’, and building your home and the family is as much a responsibility to you as it is for our parents- every member goes through trial and error as you build the home one brick and one day at a time with a lot of love, understanding and patience.

Being in the middle ground now, a parent to my children and a daughter to my old folks, I suppose is the best place to be to reach out and connect the here and now. Both sides should never keep score of the wrong and must insatiably always remember the right.

In understanding the youth.

·         Please remember, it would not be too pretentious to say that it has not been too long ago when our decisions were heavily influenced by our hormones, the furious obligations in school (just imagine the current system our kids are subjected to right now), the small issues and concerns we allow to flood-out our genuine motives and the constant inaction we fall prey to in doing what is right, to be jumping at the kids each time they make mistakes.

·         Did we actually change to be better people, better sons and daughters to our parents?

·         Placing ourselves in their shoes will always humanize the way we see the challenges before us, and if it would help, ask yourself about the last big mistake you have made to soften the anger brought about by the disappointment you may be feeling towards your kids.

·         It always pays to reconnect with our past. I know, you know, that we are not cut out to be the perfect preachers that we are, and our title as parents is only as real to our children as they make it to be.

·         It is always best to lay our cards on the table if all the other parenting strategies no longer work, should we find ourselves in this situation.

·         Truth is best nurtured by example. We have to walk the talk, regardless if we are the child or the parent, as nothing screams out more loudly than the lessons the youth learn from what they see from us.

Did I ever graduate? Yes I did many times over, and I dearly I hope I get many more chances until my children become parents.