Red Room Where the Writers Are

The Circle of Life

Changes are a part of life; something that we must accept.  If we are resistant to change, it just makes things more difficult because there are changes all around us, some preventable and others not.  In the cases where we don’t have control over the changes we face, we simply must “ride the wave” and apply the change constructively if we are to make the best of the situation.  That’s much easier said than done sometimes.

Over the past six years, I have endured significant changes in my life, some simple, some profound, but all life-changing in one way or another.  Lots of changes have occurred in my life, some good and some that I am still trying to make sense of.  I’ve encountered small changes such as a pound or two added to my petite physique or my thighs seeming to carry on more conversations with each other as evidenced by the gentle whisping noises that they make when I walk down the hallway to check on one of my daughters or more recently, the lack of whisping since they have obviously become less friendly and grown farther apart.  That’s great for me since I really don’t feel they were the best tenants anyway (they would say terrible things about their landlord upstairs!).  My girls have grown drastically, it seems over the past six years and I still marvel at the process of change.  Not only have my daughters grown into beautiful young women, but they have taught me and helped me to grow into a more productive mother as well.  The night before my mother passed in 2002, she spoke to each of her family members.  I remember she said to my girls, “You grow up and be pretty babies.”  Well, my girls have done that and continue to do so and the value-add is that they have also helped their mother to grow up and be a better woman. 

In addition to obvious changes, I have also experienced the not-so-obvious.  Those changes have come my way through the process of grief – the grief of losing my mom in 2002 and my dad in 2006.  It is quite a change to go from being someone’s daughter to not having parents anymore that are alive and nearby so you can ask those questions or gain their perspectives, even though you knew what their answers would be.  I must say that those early tastes of grief were nothing short of devastating and debilitating, but now, several years later, I am able to understand the bigger picture – the circle of life.   As a child, an adopted child to boot, I always longed to feel needed and wanted.  My mom and dad gave me that and in abundance.  When I cried that I was adopted and the kids at school made fun of me, my mother sat me down to assess the reason for my huge elephant tears and upon learning that the kids were making fun of me for a perfectly wonderful life event (adoption), she set me straight very quickly.  Mom sat me on the table as she sat in the adjacent chair and wrapped her arms lovingly around my small hips, looked me straight in the eye and said, “I want YOU to go back to school tomorrow and tell those snotty little brats that YOU WERE CHOSEN and their parents were stuck with what they had.”  The following day at school I announced to the kids that had so rudely made fun of me the statement that my mother had made.  When my mother came to pick me up from school that afternoon, I hopped into the car, a smile on my face, and she immediately questioned me as to whether I had carried out her instructions to put an end to the needless ridicule over something that was positively wonderful and did not deserve such banter.  I nodded and advised my mother that I had carried out her instructions and announced her message.  “Well?” my mother inquired.  “That was it, mama – they left me alone after that.”  And so you have it – the issue never came up again at school.  The kids learned their lesson and I was never ridiculed again.  In fact, kids came to me and told me that they wished they had a mother like I did.  I have always remembered this since that day back in the late ‘60’s.  I was chosen.  I’m learning now that I was chosen by my parents to be their daughter, but as I have walked through the path of life, I have learned that I was chosen for many other opportunities too.  As I look over the changes in my life, most recently in my relationship and my professional work, there are situations where again, “I was chosen.” 

For my David, I am so thankful that you chose me to be your love and I am equally happy to have chosen you to be mine.  I could never ask for a better man to share my life.  You are everything that I am not and you strengthen areas where I am weak and you are strong.  I’m sure there are areas that I provide strength for you as well.  I am blessed that together, we have four children, each one special in their own way and the absolute light of our lives.   I have always wanted four children and now my wish has been granted.   I always prayed for a handsome man, one that puts his wife, children, and family members above all else; one that honors his home and most importantly his marriage/relationship.  I am honored to stand by your side on the path of life.  

I am also so thankful that our children have accepted our relationship and share in our happiness of being together and creating a family.  I am thankful to be able to provide this to our kids, but also for our kids to provide us with the happiness we have worked so hard to see through countless years of parenting.   I am thankful for all the things we share and for our differences, because our differences teach us to be open and respectful of each other and develop a much deeper, richer love.

I am thankful that my parents instilled in me many of the same values that I see in you, my dear David for that is the core of our value systems and something that binds us together deeply.  I do wish you could have met my mom and dad, but know that they would have been so proud to see me stand next to you and they would have been thrilled to have you as part of their family. 

I am also thankful for my job and throughout the various positions that I have held within the company to have been chosen for each.  Some I voiced interest and some I was not chosen, though close.  I can only say it is their loss.  I am now at a place where I am respected for my talents and given the freedom to exercise those talents and really show my capabilities.  I hear my parents urging me as they did all my years growing up, “You can do whatever you put your mind to.”  And they are right – I can and this time, I certainly will.  I have learned by applying myself in these situations, I am already equipped with the tools I need to succeed and make the right choices and navigate my path – sometimes, though, it is just a matter of making sure the engine is on or the vehicle is in the correct gear. 

One day, I’ll share many of these life lessons with my kids if I haven’t already and I’ll definitely share my life’s learnings with my grandchildren, much like my parents did with me.   And why, you ask?  Well, because that is the circle of life.

~~JRS