Let Go, Let Peace Come In
My motto after I had worked the REPAIR program was "If I had known life was going to turn out this good I would have started it sooner."
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I've recently been invited to serve on the Board of Directors of a foundation called Let Go,Let Peace Come In at www.letgoletpeacecomein.org/ .
Their mission is: "To bring healing, support, and awareness to the hundreds of millions of adult childhood sexual abuse survivors and their families worldwide. We plan to enact change within the healthcare systems, political systems and societies by teaching and educating through the current technologies. We will weave our message of peace, hope, recoveyr and happiness into the fabric of these societies by integrating published materials with video, audio and Internet media throughout the world. And we will raise money for a non-profit fund to provide the financial assistance necessary to start survivors of childhood sexual abuse on the path to recovery, "one" survivor at a time."
They have carved out a large agenda for a social problem that is viewed more as a stigma, a mark of shame and discredit. Seeing this worldwide epidemic as a stigma is the largest challenge that must be overcome. Let Go, Let Peace wants to approach this problem in a different way. They are encouraging survivors to send a photo and a brief of their trauma. They are also asked to send in their story. But the most important gift they have to offer is providing financial assistance to those who need it to change their world from despair to joy. Can they do it? They have assembled for their Board Members a brain trust, people who mostly are survivors; not just survivors but people who will gladly come forth to tell their stories, members who will think deeply on solutions, on changing the numbers, people who have their own foundations and organizations and are joining forces with the others when they are all committed to one primary objective, to bring as many victims out of hiding to tell their stories and become healed survivors. They all know that the primary reason perpetrators get away with what the are doing is because they know their victims will not tell. We want to prove them wrong.
Having studied and written about childhood sexual abuse for many years my biggest question has always been why the silence? If that child who was sexually molested went to their parent , the police or their teacher and told them that someone had robbed them and taken every one of their belongings they would receive massive support, an immediate search for the thief and if found, a swift punishment for his crimes. This child could freely tell his friends and would receive an avalance of sympathy; his parents would surround him with love and protection. Yet if that same child had been raped, not only could he not tell anyone, the perpetrator would go free to find other victims, and the child would now be a target for other perpetrators to abuse them again. Most childhood sexual abuse victims are abused more than once, sometimes with multiple traumas. If he did try to tell someone he would whisper it, he would try to minimize it with words like, "I think it might have been my fault. He told me it was."
Why? Why this amazing secrecy, this dirty little word that our society is trying to eradicate. There are dozens, maybe hundreds of websites and non profit organizations working on child sexual abuse. There are blogs that will make you dizzy with information. Everyone is an expert. Everyone is going to be the ONE who puts its finger on the pulse of incest and child sexual abuse and develops the perfect program. And the numbers keep growing. If you were in a store shopping with dozens of other people and if all of a sudden each person who had been a victim turned red the store would be aglow with red people, more than you could count, as high as 1/3 of all the people. If you tagged all those who knew someone who had been abused with green, who were impacted in some way, like magic the entire shopping area would glow like a Christmas tree.
It saddens me. It terrifies me. It challenges me. I want for the Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation to make a huge difference in the world wide epidemic. I receive email every day from places all over the world wanting help. I receive email from people who have a family member they want to help. When I check the map on my StatCounter, which keeps track of people who visit my website at www.thelamplighters.org, the map comes alive with red circles with pointers that open up to tell where they are from. I receive hits from countries I've never heard of, in areas where the red circles are so numerous they climb on top of each other, from states where the hits cover the entire state. I want somehow for the miracle of giving people the courage to start telling their stories. Others will come out of hiding to share their stories. I think of the words from the good witch in The Wizard of Oz, "Come out, come out where ever you are.........." I think of the time when I was telling my story to several women at a park in a small town in Nebraska and one of them said in a hushed whisper, "Why are you talking as if it wasn't your fault?" "It wasn't," I responded. "It wasn't?" By the time I left that young lady as well as several other came forward and told me their stories. We were all alike. We were all different. But what we mostly were, was Courageous.
Yes, that's all it takes. So those of you who want to come out of hiding, go to my website and click "Stand Up and Be Counted", list your name and location, then go to the website of Let Go and tell your story. I promise, you will be a courageous example to bring even more out of hiding. Just Do It!
(Please see the multiple five star reviews on amazon.com for my books REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuse and REPAIR For Kids: A Children's Program for Recovery from Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse. REPAIR For Toddlers and It's Your Choice! Decisions That Will Change Your Life will be released by Loving Healing Press before the end of the year.)
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Kate Marshall says:
Thank you
This is really important work. Thank you for your commitment to making a difference.
Kate
www.marshallbooks.net
Margie Marybelle McKinnon says:
Thank you Kate!
Thank you Kate!
Abraham Mertens says:
Letting Go
Hello Margie,
I'm very impressed by the mission of Let Go, Let Peace Come In. Thank you for letting us know about this.
I just read "The Three Laws of Performance" by David Logan and Steve Zaffron. One of the points of that book is that we need to discuss and analyze our past to free ourselves to live fully now. I would be interested to hear your thoughts about David's book and also about the theories that support your organization's work.
All the best,
Abraham Mertens, redroom.com
Margie Marybelle McKinnon says:
Letting Go
Hi Abraham, Thank you for commenting on my post. I have not read "The Three Laws of Performance but must put it on my "must read" list. Both Letting Go Foundation and I with my Lamplighter Movement www.thelamplighters.org are committed to guiding survivors of child sexual abuse in to telling their stories. Without that they will probably be lost. I know that a lot of therapists don't believe that this is an important part of recovery and I get emails and phone calls in the Verde Valley (AZ) area where I live from survivors complaining because the therapists they go to won't even let them and they so badly want to. It is my feeling that there are three major steps in recovery: Real, Feel, Heal. First of all they need to make their abuse real, which is basically just the R part of my REPAIR program, Recognition (more info on that on my Lamplighter website), then they need to feel the pain of their abuse and then they will begin to heal. I liken it to a wound that has never been attended to and is badly infected. We need to lance the wound so that infection will drain out. This can be painful as we've hidden the reality of our abuse for so many years. Putting salve on the wound is when we either through the REPAIR program, a 12 step program or a therapist (who is committed to telling your story) or all three begin to heal. Working the REPAIR program brough me from being married to my third abuser, suicidal, filled with despair and living part time in a women's shelter to being the happiest person I know. I literally created a sign to put above my desk that read: "If I'd known life was going to turn out this good I would have started it sooner."
Margie
Abraham Mertens says:
Inspiration
Hello Margie,
Your story and work at an inspiration to many. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'm so happy that you were able to turn your life around after so much pain.
Best regards,
Abe
Abraham Mertens, redroom.com
Catherine Nagle says:
We're Born this way...?!
Hello Margie,
Thank you very much for bringing this topic out to healing. And being the Voice the whole world needs.
I haven't had the opportunity to read your wonderful books here, but I Intend to, very soon!
Your book can truly help answer some of my questions. I have not had any personal experiences but am familiar with your stories that you mention here. I don't know how much to what I have been taught as a child is significant or helpful, but I would truly love to share my experience here and possibly understand how powerful my mother's message can be:
I have nine brothers and seven sisters. I am right in the middle. Growing up in a two bedroom one bathroom house as a child; you would tend to think privacy would be an almost impossible situation to keep under control with so many children. But, for some mysterious reason when the odds were against us, things were pretty much under control in my family, a lot more than some of my friends families that had just a couple of siblings. Could this possibly be because of the way my mother taught us?:
The young teenage boys were not allowed to watch over ( baby sit) the young girl toddlers, ever! And the boys were never allowed to help out as to change a diaper or bath the children. Even my father was not permitted to change diapers or bath them. Modest?! I have never seen the naked body of the opposite sex, except by accident, than we all laughed at one another!:-)
When I had my first child, my mother brought this to my attention again; that I was to do the changing, bathing and watch over my daughter. And that is wasn't his job. I remember asking her why she was so opposed to these things when the world was saying something different?! She said to me: "That we are born this way, sex is a natural way of being." "Each time we allow a teenage boy to watch over a young girl child, we put the young boy in as much harms way, as we do with the young girl child." She never seemed to think the act was as wrong, as much as the ignorance in taking responsibility as much as we possibly could to the nature of "our being."
As the years go by, I hear her words making More sense to me.
My only intention is that this comment HELP bring the spirit of healing and peace to all those who suffered sexual abuse.
Thank you so much, Margie!
Blessings on all you do for the whole (Holy) world. Especially for the children. All of them!
Truly,
Catherine Nagle
Margie Marybelle McKinnon says:
Your story
Hi Catherine,
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like there is a possibility that your mother was molested but I'm glad she watched out for you. Take care, Margie