Red Room Where the Writers Are

It is amazing when you finally realize that the one that got away wasn't the one after all.  The feelings locked in the soul are those from the person you remember then, not the person that they are now or will be in the future.  I recently found my first love online and was amazed at all of his accomplishments.  He is a writer, owns a successful business, and is married to the "rebound" girl.  Sometimes I feel like I am in a When Harry Met Sally moment when I think about the times we spent together and know the paths that we have since taken.  I screwed up this relationship because I got scared.  I didn't believe that I deserved to be loved, so I made sure he couldn't love me anymore, even though he begged me to go back to him.  I did, and then he met her, and all that doubt and mistrust that he must have had in the back of his mind sent him right into her arms.  I was devastated, but knew I deserved it.  That was over 15 years ago, and still it hurts.  I have moved on with my life, have two wonderful children, a man that loves me and accepts me for all of my neuroticies, and still it hurts. 

Make no mistake, I am happy with my life. I love my children, my family, and my husband.  I am jJust hurt that he probably never thought about me all these years the way I have off and on.  I am so proud of what he has accomplished with his life; I always knew he would go very far.  He was so smart, sensitive, and giving when I knew him, and I have no doubts that he is still that kind of guy.  If he should ever happen across this blog, I want him to know that I am sorry for the pain that I caused him.  I think of him often, and pray for him just as often.  I am so proud of what he has accomplished.  I hope that one day he can forgive the foolish girl he once knew. 

Blessed be...