Red Room Where the Writers Are

Bhava: An attidude of awareness.

Definition by Swami Satyananda Saraswati.

Just what does it mean to be aware? The spiritual teachers (real or fake) brandish this word and other words like consciousness, energy, love, joy and peace as if they know what they are. If you ask these teachers to define these words, the definition they give you will be accurate, direct, and in most cases truthful, yet leave you completely empty inside, seeking more.

Well, at least I hope it does, and so do the true spiritual teachers. Only the fakers want you to accept what they say as gospel. The true teachers know that arriving at a definition for something is not the ultimate goal of the life traveller. If it were, I could say, "I am god!" and be done with my lessons and be on the next plane outta this burgh.

As is so eloquently shown among many religious leaders, and more so among many political leaders, saying is not the same as doing or knowing. Just because I know this truth at an intellectual level, doesn't mean I can cast off the illusion so easily and view reality from the absolute perspective.

Words are cheap, thus so are definitions of words and concepts. This spiritual journey we're on has nothing to do with words and concepts. Even if I spend countless hours trying to find a way to convey even the simplest aspect of my life, I completely fail and stare at my words with disgust. How could I fall so flat when trying to share my life with the world? Its easy, when all you've got to communicate is words, facial expression, body language and cultural references. Unfortunately, there's even less expression in this blog. All I can express here are words and cultural references. Oh and don't forget the smilees! ;-) Clearly words (and smilees) mean next to nothing.

My M.O.M. once asked me to explain my goal in life. When I failed to express it in a timely fashion, she told me, almost shouted at me: "BE THE EXAMPLE!"

I have spent great amounts of time contemplating her words. Perhaps that was her point. Perhaps she wants me to be the example, to try to uphold that Peace (wannabe) attitude, but perhaps she also wants me contemplating what it means to be a peaceful example. As if the contemplation is more important than the concept I contemplate.

So what is an attitude of awareness? Perhaps it is the contemplation of each moment, in the moment, that is itself the attitude of awareness.

I feel it important to mention that contemplation does not seek answers. We do not wish to know why or how, when or where during contemplation. We merely seek to see the reality of any given moment. There is no end to contemplation and we never feel a need to arrive at some conclusion.

So, lets check my work. I have defined the phrase "attitude of awareness" as "endless contemplation of the moment."

See how weak that is? Its pathetic, just like everything else I try to express about life.

Perhaps I should not care about what my blog says, perhaps I should care more about the process of writing the blog. Perhaps my blog is my contemplation, solely for me and my path toward my own endless knowledge of self.

Maybe someday, God willing, I'll be able to express in words what my heart shouts endlessly at my head. Then again, maybe not. Either way, I'll just try to set the example.

PS While editing this post a pure white pigeon flew up outside my window and landed on the balcony railing (he may have just flown into the mirror like building I work in, it happens once a month or so). He was not any ordinary pigeon though. I could tell because he had a green band on his right foot. That means he belongs to someone. I suspect he's a homing pigeon. He sat outside the window for a few minutes bobbing his head around. Now he's on the building across the driveway. And now he flew off in a westward direction.

I like how timing plays such an important part in our lives and yet we have absolutely no control over it.

He just tried to fly around the building again. He knows where he wants to go but keeps running into a perfect image of himself. Funny how that works. Perhaps, we are like that pigeon, limited only by what we see in a mirror.

Okay, the analogy is not so good, because he's running into a building, but you catch my drift.

He's still trying to figure out how to go the direction he wants to go... Poor guy. That peanut he calls a brain just can't grok the shiny glass building. LOL.

Wait! I just realized: I know how he feels.