I used to know everything

August 12, 2009, 1:13 pm

Today, Gina and myself were talking about the saying, 'with age comes wisdom'. We know of people where this applies, but they are just a few. A surprising few considering the number of people I have met, let alone compared to the population of the world.

Ryoma, the old man, aged 5

This led on to a discussion about my own experiences and how age has never been consistent with what people think I should have been doing in life, the experiences associated with particular age groups and the level of maturity or immaturity that I demonstrated at the time.

Gina's mother had a chance meeting once, with a woman who knew me when I was 5 or 6 years old. She was shocked to find that we knew each other and went on to say that I was a man in a child's body, and had already taken on the responsibilities of an adult at the age of 6. The picture here is of me at the age of 5, an old man in a cap.

By that age, I was already advising my mother to get a divorce, beginning to become familiar with the financial circumstances of my family and being reared as a replacement father to look after my siblings. I was a drill sergeant to my siblings, teaching them to be physically and verbally abusive to my father. I also started to learn to cook for the family. I was appointed protector and I took my role very seriously.

By the age of 8, I was practically a surrogate father to 5 kids. I have never had a normal relationship with my siblings because of this.

By the age of 10 I was so financially aware that I would be advising my mother not to spend money on things, asking her to look at second hand items instead. I continued to advise her to get a divorce and continued to breed hatred towards my father from my siblings, with lots of helpful guidance from my mother.

By age 15, I left home, started a semi-independent life outside the family while continuing to go to school and learned to live alone and support myself. By the age of 16 I was kicked out of the country by father and ended up in Japan where I worked to support myself, taught myself basic Japanese, tried to learn about a foreign culture, failed, became homeless, survived and then got back on my feet again.

By the time I was 18 and returned to the UK and met Gina, I had already lived in 16 'permanent' addresses in my life and felt like I had lived the lives of 3 or 4 people.

I felt old (in the most positive sense), and contrary to the truth, I also felt wise and mature. Oh yes, I believed that I knew everything! LOL!!

When I met Gina, I was blown away. She understood me! My word! I was amazed, she was an art student and on the face of things, she was a shy innocent who had no experience of life as I would measure it, but she had more compassion, more wisdom, more maturity and more intelligence in a single finger nail than I could ever have imagined attaining in my lifetime. And so began a new life for me. A new path of learning and more adventures to come over the next 23 years. The roller-coaster ride continues, even now, and I feel as though we have lived several lifetimes already, with many more to experience.

And by the way, me and dad are friends now. I have also *never* achieved even a tiny modicum of the wisdom that I thought I had achieved at age 18, and doubt I ever will. LOL!

Login Or register To Post Comments
Send To A Friend

Share With:

Ellen R. Sheeley says:

Awww, baby Ryoma is very

Awww, baby Ryoma is very cute. . .er, handsome.

Some of us are forced to grow up too fast, when we are still children. We live our lives backwards and, thus, that old adage doesn't necessarily apply to the special cases.

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 3:11pm

Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:

Thanks for reading and posting, Ellen. :)

That explains my urge to buy chuppa-chop lollipops and Curly-Wurly chocolate and toffee sweets then! LOL!

I've managed to resist so far, but I don't know how long I can keep that up.

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 3:15pm

Keiko Amano says:

Hi Ryoma, For a five year

Hi Ryoma,

For a five year old, yes, I think you look mature and serious in the photo. I thought your story is extraordinary and culturally very complex: East vs. west, generation gaps, Father’s ascetic or discipline training life vs. family life, and so on.

I can understand why the father decided to send his eldest son to Japan. He probably hoped that the son would go through the kind of experiences as he had and ultimately understand his situation and the world. Most Japanese Karate-type men do not explain. With the Bushido spirit in background, they focus on defeating their opponents or problems in one blow. I don’t know your father, but being selected as a karate expert, he isn’t an ordinary Japanese business man. In his world, people should understand everything like Om (Ohm or Aun). I think it was a haiku of his actions.

I’m glad you met Gina though. I feel from your writings that you love your wife more than any husbands on earth. Long ago, I read Will Durant’s history books and found the word that fits you, although I cannot remember it. The word means that a man loves his wife so very much to the point nobody is like him. I think the word begins with “X” in spelling, but I can’t remember. The books were the first edition, and I donated all to the local library long ago. Once I asked a colleague of mine if he knew such word. He replied, “There is no such word, Keiko. No such husbands ever existed in the history of mankind!” Maybe I asked the wrong person. I think he was going through divorce.

Thank you for your valuable story.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 3:50pm

Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:

I love a mystery to solve.

A word beginning with 'X', related to love? I have had a quick look and have found nothing, although the Will Durant quotations that I came across during my search were interesting and a few made me laugh out loud, in the best possible sense. Thank you for such a considered response, Keiko.

This is, of course, just a snapshot, and only meant to be a brief blog. It was a very complex life I led as a child, and I hold no pride for my part in building walls of hate and anger for my siblings, even though now I know that I was merely a soldier and delivery method for my mother's own pain. Life can be very complex.

In a way, I suppose this blog shows the seeds that led to me walking away from the control, hatred and blind anger of my small world. Looking out at the wider world, instead of freedom, I found more oppression, ignorance and hatred in so many parts of society that even people who are treated as second rate human beings or who are abused, will think it is normal because 'this is the way it always is'.

Now, I speak out in the name of equality in any way that I can, with a fiery resolve inside me that cannot be quietened.

For myself, Gina has guided me into a life of light and I am, indeed, very fortunate and grateful. I wish the same peace and happiness for everyone.

Thank you again for your post.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 5:29pm

Keiko Amano says:

Xeino and Comedian Hiroshi Tamura

Ryoma,

I went to the library and looked for the word, but couldn't find it. But I found a similar word in the Web as follows:

xeino-bakchê , hê,

A. mad for love of the stranger, of Medea, Lyc. 175.

So I'm thinking that maybe the word is xeino-(wife in antique Greek). At the library, I was with my walking friend and didn't want her to wait too long, so I forgot to check about the edition of the Will Durant's books. I hope your readers of this blog can help us locate the word. I think it's in the first edition of "Our Oriental Heritage" by Will Durant.

I just read some reviews of his books and made me giggle. It reminded me why I read only one book and donated all. I bought them in an antique bookstore. But I appreciate the author's enthusiasm.

I don't know if you're interested in his story, but Hiroshi Tamura's memoir "The Homeless Junior High Student" became a best seller, a television program, and a movie. I just checked some book reviews. They are mixed with good and bad as usual, but it seems more and more people are interested in reading. His family suffered so much, her mother died and the house was taken away, and as the result, the father gathered all the family members and declared "Disperse!" as though the family unit had ended. Then they went on their own. Hiroshi Tamura is a successful comedian now and makes audience laugh telling his story, but it is definitely a heavy subject. I haven't read the book, but I'm sure his eldest brother had it the worst because of his sense of responsibility as the second in command.

http://www.japannewsreview.com/entertainment/books/20071113page_id=2998

Fri, 08/14/2009 - 11:16am

Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:

Thanks for your response, Keiko

Very interesting, about Tamura's memoir. What a life he must have lived.

The strange adventures of my own life are too bizarre to be believed, imho, and even if they were of interest to anyone, I certainly don't have the writing skill or talent to write something myself. I know my limits and am content to be an author's husband and to focus on promoting her work whenever possible.

I hope your own work is going well. :)

Sat, 08/15/2009 - 8:11pm

Rebbecca Hill says:

Hi Ryoma, I really enjoyed

Hi Ryoma, I really enjoyed reading your story--and what a great photo! It is interesting how sometimes life can feel like it's going backwards. I can relate a bit in some of the things that my mother had me do for her at a young age and how I started asking her "grown up" questions, confronting her about the "truth." There was a period where I was becoming hardened, but somewhere along the way, luckily I snapped into a lighter human being. It sounds like you've done the same. Wonderful that your story has a happy trail having found Gina.

A happy, insightful, wonderful story to read!

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 5:55pm

Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for reading and posting. :) This one is a bit heavier than the usual blogs I post. It's past 2 am here in the UK, so I'll make an effort to read your blogs soon. I promise! :)

I just had a quick glance, are you a poet?

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 6:19pm

Rebbecca Hill says:

Hi Ryoma, 2 a.m...quite a

Hi Ryoma, 2 a.m...quite a late night. I am actually not a poet. I do like the small container poetry provides to get feelings out and to then keep working it until I discover something new about myself or about how I perceive what I'm writing about. It's such an interesting process. Poetry is still fresh and new to me and I don't always work at it. But I think in images and sounds and feelings I like to try and listen for the words--my moods also sway how something will take shape.

From reading your bio, you'll life really has been quite a wild roller coaster! But it goes by so fast doesn't it...

Fri, 08/14/2009 - 7:57am

Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says:

Hi Rebbecca

Poetry is a complete mystery to me. It makes my mind boggle but I keep being drawn to it. LOL! I'm sure I will find something that really 'fits' one day. :)

Life certainly goes very fast, which I find funny because I live day by day. I only notice how time has flown when I need to access my memory banks for information and find I am looking at an ever increasing and aging library of experiences. LOL!

I wish you well with your endeavours, Rebbecca. :)

Sat, 08/15/2009 - 8:17pm

Sumathi Mohan says:

Scroll back!

You look cute, then and now! By the way we are similar in many ways, once when I tell you my story you will know why I state so, but you must wait for it to come out of me one day...lol. Yeah! I became wise at 18 to begin with, live my teens now ..lol.

Sat, 08/15/2009 - 7:36am

Ryoma Collia-Suzuki says: