San Francisco—Today Laina Adler, Marketing Director for a major American publishing firm which for the purposes of this article we will call CarperHollins, received a call this morning from a company called Bioscript. “They said they needed to talk to me about my daughter Nicola Adler’s account,” Adler said, visibly shaken. Adler is the second case in as many months of someone being informed that they had a digital child of whom they were completely unaware. The first was Sam Barry, who is also this blog's author. Barry’s digital child, Keaton Barry, was last seen drinking beer with members of Congress and has been missing since that time.

The Obama administration offered no comment on this outbreak of unplanned digital children. “This is just one more example of the government interfering in our health system,” declared digital Republican spokesperson Orly Taitz. Meanwhile, former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin is rushing to the Bay Area. A spokesperson for the former governor said that as soon as her dog sled arrives, Palin plans to hold a public vigil outside Adler’s home. “We love all our digital children,” Palin was quoted as saying.

Adler and her husband Lee were unavailable for comment. They were too busy playing with their brick-and-mortar child,  Jonah.