Saturday Night found me in emergency. What they did on Wednesday apparently was not fully accomplished, and the process decided to finish itself on Saturday...leaving my husband like an evil pit bull in the Emergency Room:

HEY! LADY HEMMORAGHING HERE! Hans can indeed be a scary, angry white guy. That is why I love him so.

I said it to the NP a few weeks ago: I feel like a political candidate who runs and runs and never gets elected: I'm the Barry Goldwater of pregnancies.

Over the last few weeks I rethought that bit of silly to make it seem like I was not 86 years old. Who is the closest political candidate of this generation who just has no luck...but has the ego to keep running over and over and over again.

I said to the emergency nurse: I feel like the Ralph Nader of Pregnancies. She laughed heartily at this. I chuckled. Because on Saturday...laughing was not an option. It just made my cervix hurt.

After I left Emergency high on Morphine (the first time getting morphine and the last. That stuff is great. I mean...hell...THAT STUFF IS GREAT! Just a little too great), I come home to not do anything and watch the news.

Only to find that Ralph Nader is running again.

From a comedic watcher of the political process I just shook my head and went "Here we go again" and it is more full of Simpson sounding "HA HA!" goodness than the last time.

Including the write in campaign, this makes it number five. Ralph has already exceeded the "Funny rule of three" and has slipped into the next funny stage of "Five".

And the wonderful joke of it all is this: The Fourth time he ran was not funny in terms of number of times (because four is not funny...you got to go five) AND it was REALLY not funny for the Democrats and Al Gore.

So now, as a political comedian watcher and now is proud to officially say that I'm pretty set in Obama's corner, that Ralph Nader is now officially hilarious.

He has gone to Five. That is the funny comedy number after three. In addition, it makes me happy that he is running on the "Jefferson Idea" because that makes me sounding like I'm 80 years old with the Goldwater reference tame.

Him pulling away any voters from anybody at this point is like saying Mike Huckabee knows how to do basic delegate math with his campaign.

Yeah yeah. Anyone in this great land of ours can run, and you have full right to throw your hat in the ring and make that political process stronger and blah de blaaa blaa pundit blaaa purple mountains..yadda yadda..rat hairs and hotdogs...whoopie doo...electoral process...wee lalala..vote with your heart...blaaaaa bloppity do dah.

I'm voting with my heart this time. And ralph? That is not *you* Please go back to doing what you have been doing for this country for the last four years while Bush was in office which was...

....what was that again? Sorry. I have only been keeping up with you every four years. You are like a christmas card from the estranged father that bounces to you every couple of years.

Man. You have run five times. I think you like seeing your name on something every fours years at this point and has made a backroom residual deal with Late Night Talk Show Comedy Writers for every joke that is about to occur.

Now Ralph from my personal and completely irrational perspective while on Morphine (did I mention that stuff is GREAT):

Dude? Are you bugging emergency rooms? Stop stealing my bits! Or are you just trying to give me hope that if you can keep running...one day you will win...and in turn I will get and STAY pregnant?

Are you my Hope for this Ralph? If you finally win, I will finally go full term? Or, are you just verifying what I said to this Emergency Nurse: That I'm indeed the Ralph Nader of Pregnancies?

Full of blind ego, thinking I have an inkling of a chance with no hope whatsoever? Gosh Ralph. You depress me with your announcement. More than you would ever know.

Is there a place called Hope for us Ralph? Call me. Let's have a vegan dinner on this one. You bring the Jefferson conversation and organic stuffed mushrooms. I will bring the wine and a reworked Goldwater joke.