Mall of America: The Untold Story
The Mall of America was originally constructed by the Mayan civilization after they migrated to Bloomington, Minnesota, in 832 AD. The edifice was quickly abandoned after the Mayans decided it was too damn cold and moved to a condo in Boca Raton. In the Mayan language , Boca Raton means "you are standing on my foot", which leads many archeologists to conclude that it was a two bedroom or possibly two bedroom with den. Oceanfront status is inconclusive and a subject of ongoing academic debate.
The structure lay empty for nearly four centuries, until Vikings discovered the abandoned shell in 1164 AD. These intrepid Norse explorers converted the building into a trading post for runes. Runes were bought and sold at the outpost for several generations, until the devastating Rune Bubble collapse of 1218, when many fortunes were lost. The phrase ‘he was runed' entered common usage about this time.
Mall of America once again lay empty until German and Swedish immigrants purchased the land in 1843 from the local Lakota nation, who had been trying to unload the building for tax purposes since 1725. The immigrant community renovated the structure using plans developed by English philosopher Jeremy Bentham, and renamed it The Grand Panshoppeticon. This name proved too long for the signs of the times and was later reduced to The Shoppe.
In the 1950s, the area was converted into a ballpark known as Metropolitan Stadium until a homerun by slugger Harmon Killebrew triggered a massive earthquake on June 3, 1967, which devastated the area. Finally in 1992, the facility was restored using the original Bentham designs and was renamed Mall of America, for unknown reasons.
The site has since become popular among American religious pilgrims for its health and spiritual benefits. A number of miracles are reported to have occurred on the grounds, including the Unlimited Credit Card Incident of 2003.
(Excerpted from my VSN: The Wedding Gift: A Huge and Sprawling Novel with All The Boring Parts Left Out
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Rosy Cole says:
Novel
It is, to say the least, an intrepid notion - to do the editing before actually writing the book. Certainly one for the RR 'Tips' page. I wonder none of us cottoned on to it sooner.
Your editor must be hopping mad. Or not.
Still, a most ingenious plot is here devised. Presumably Mr Bentham envisioned buying and retailing as pursuits designed to yield the greatest good for the greatest number? Which, on the face of it, probably makes him as much a prophet as a philosopher.
BTW you never told me you were fluent in Mayan. It accounts for a lot:)
Stephen Evans says:
It takes so long
if you edit after you write.
Rosy Cole says:
What strikes is
the sheer erudition of your piece whose pacy momentum has guaranteed no mention of that tiresome incident, the Boston Tea Party.
Entertaining as this narrative is, it has been necessary, if futile, to bring into commission a pair of binoculars in order to try and discover what effect these events had upon your protagonists.
I believe, however, you may have succeeded in coining a whole new genre, the Historiographic Novel, and can't help reflecting upon the lively response of your publishers.
This, notwithstanding, you could doubtless have taught Edward Gibbon a thing or two. Perhaps in years to come you will delight us with a novelised monograph of The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.
We look forward to it with anticipation...and binoculars.
Stephen Evans says:
Speaking Of Marcus Aurelius...
wouldn't that be fun :)
Rosy Cole says:
Oh, he's the main guy
of Roman antiquity in my book, all his faculties of a piece.
Actually, I foresee a DC comic book in the offing. On the lines of Asterix the Gaul. It would suit your talents. Short, pithy dialogue. Perfectly timed. What do you think? (All sorts of Corporations flocking for all sorts of Rights...)
If you feel that all you can draw is breath, perhaps you should think about joining forces with a penciller. Sorry, penciler:)
Stephen Evans says:
Oscar is writing a comic book in the next book
so I need to learn how anyway.
Rosy Cole says:
Foregone conclusion
Handy when your characters let you in on what they're up to.
Mine have to do as they're told in order to make history come true:)
Though, come to think of it, it's more like being a time-travelling fly on the wall.
Stephen Evans says:
that fly
must have a good reverse memory.
Rosy Cole says:
Well, it's not hot
on sci-fi and futurology, but does tend to see most things coming (with the odd momentous exception:))
There are several ways of explaining the phenomenon, but I'm a strong believer in what may be called 'inherited memory'. That is, the recall of instances beyond the scope of one's lifespan which are as vivid as actual experience, but clearly distinct from it, and belong to other ages and atmospheres.
I don't suffer from the illusion that I actually was Mary Cole, but the above capability has enabled me to understand her better.
Perhaps this makes me a reverse visionary rather than an imagineer in your scheme of understanding:)?
Stephen Evans says:
Ther are more things in heaven and earth
etc.