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HotButteredBeth's Blog
September 2, 2010
- Summer unwrapped her lanky leg from the sticky pole and descended from the stage. "Fucking gross," she hissed. Minutes earlier, she had give a lap dance to a man who reeked of salami and cheap cologne. While the men were never allowed to touch her, many had. Salami man managed to lick her face while she grinded into his round rubber belly. In the dimly lit bathroom, she washed ...
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August 26, 2010
- I'm naked in an upscale clothing store in New York City.My wealthy friend Thomas is buying a fancy Italian shirt. He buys clothing on a whim. We're going out tonite and he wants to wear something nice.I browse the men's clothes with him, careful not to drift over to the women's section because I know it could strip me of my upbeat mood.But slowly, I drift over, the scent of newness drawing ...
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August 11, 2010
- If you're anything like me, first off, good luck. It's not easy feat.Secondly, you smiled big and hard when you read the story about Jet Blue's flight attendant Steven Slater and his dramatic dispute with a passenger. According to The New York Times: Mr. Slater instructed the person to remain seated. The passenger defied him. Mr. Slater reached the passenger just as the person was ...
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July 29, 2010
- I don't think I've ever tittered before. I'm not even sure what a titter is. But when the question hit me, that's what I began to do."Why don't we just have sex? Right now."Clint and I don't have sex. He and his brothers live down the street and serve as my surrogate family at the Jersey shore. I realized early on that it was much more important for them to serve that role in my ...
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June 30, 2010
- "You know what your problem is?""What?""You're giving your pussy away on a platter.""I'm what?""You're coming across as desperate.""I am desperate!"My soon-to-be-ex friend Clint is explaining to me in his inimitable way that giving some guy my number last week went a little too far."I guess he was supposed to 'hunt' for it or some ...
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May 7, 2010
- The first time I died in my sleep, I was a child. Someone had knocked me on the head in my dream and I began rising quickly, into the air. A little voice whispered urgently, “Don’t go any higher or you can’t come back!” Shaken, I willed myself to fall downward and woke up.My flying dreams would continue as I grew up. It was always the same feeling; a strange lifting sensation would begin ...
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March 12, 2010
- Me at IHOP a few mornings ago. I'm the one upside down, naked and falling. I heard the calling while driving home from Philadelphia a few mornings ago. I had attended a show at Johnny Brenda’s the night before and stayed over night at a friend’s house. Mildly hung-over, I decided to treat myself to a nice breakfast on my way back to the Jersey shore. And ...
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March 5, 2010
- (With some trepidation, I approached this piece. I didn't want to hear lectures from the all-knowing outside world about racism or altruism. Political correctness sets my teeth on edge. Why? Because I believe most of us possess "isms" in one form of the other but love to seem otherwise. We also live in a day and age where it's difficult to even address racial issues, for fear ...
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February 5, 2010
- The first time I see him, he is leaning against his work van, watching me intently. I'm taking out the trash, doing my best to ignore him. He starts to whistle some dumb tune as a way to get my attention. I'm in my robe. I don't want an audience. His whistle gets increasingly louder.Do you think I’m a fucking dog? Do you think if you keep whistling, I’ll jump up on your lap and lick your ...
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January 14, 2010
- “Is that the guy who likes to have sex with dead women?”“No, I think that’s just a myth.”“Do you want another line?”“When I’m done. I’m almost done. Maybe. Okay, yes.”My boyfriend walks away. The party continues around me. This is the ugly kind of party where people have turned into zombies, walking around aimlessly. The kind of party where conversations have turned into ...
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January 6, 2010
- It’s not easy, letting someone into your home. Because then they see the holes in the walls, the off-kilter frames, the cobwebs in the corner.It’s not easy, letting someone see you as you really are. Because then they see the worn look in your eyes, the clenched jaw, the slumped shoulders.It’s not easy, letting someone in. It's New Year’s Eve of 2009.I open the door in my old robe, with ...
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December 30, 2009
- This 2010, I resolve to: Give Southern Comfort another fighting chance since that 1989 "incident." Use new vulgarities instead of my old standbys. Cunt off, freakfuck! Laugh in the face of others, with reckless abandon. Purge only the inexpensive food. Work on sharper, wittier retorts with deadly dry deliveries. Call myself ...
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December 18, 2009
- 1973My mother had two boxes of photos in the closet. One was labeled “Before 1973” and the other “After 1973.” It seemed a little overly dramatic that she would base our entire collection of family photos on my father’s death, but such was her style.I remember wanting to be a veterinarian pre-1973. Nothing seemed (and seems) more magical to me than animals. To help them would be a ...
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November 27, 2009
- First dates are up there with anal fissures in the pleasure department but they must be endured. How else can you get to the sex?Unfortunately, one often encounters deal breakers on those first dates, making any future seem unlikely.Take my date last weekend...please. Actually, he was a nice enough guy. Good-looking, above average intelligence. We went for brunch at a local joint at the Jersey ...
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November 14, 2009
- “So how’s it feel having sex with a dead man?”“Good,” I gasp. “Very good.”We laugh at the gallows’s humor. We can make jokes while having sex. We’re at that point with one another.Soon the laughing makes way to sighs and moans. A tear runs down my face but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying being very naked with my ex-boyfriend this one last time.God, can I really call him an ...
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