Husbands, Hot Flashes, and All That Hullabaloo! Menopausal Musings from a Midlife Mama
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Synopsis:
Vicky DeCoster, award-winning humor writer and the author of "The Wacky World of Womanhood" will have you laughing out loud at the realities of life as a middle-aged woman as she takes you on a hilarious hormonal journey. Any woman tackling the second act of her life can relate to DeCoster's humorous personal essays as she makes fun of matrimony malfunctions, female fervor, corporate craziness, parenting pandemonium, and aging anatomies. This new-age Erma Bombeck entertains readers with her comical ancedotes on dieting with her husband, the roller coaster of emotions that accompany trying on swimming suits after the age of forty, and the unwelcome neuroses that often occur during parenthood. "Husbands, Hot Flashes, and All That Hullabaloo! will leave you with the comforting thought hat life is too funny to take seriously!
Book Excerpt:
Football Frenzy in the Fall
By Vicky DeCoster
This is the scene at my kitchen table every September. My husband opens the sports page and gasps, “Number 42 has a torn ligament. He’s out for the season!”
I don’t waste much effort in answering him because I know he won’t hear me anyway, so I say, “Hmm.”
My husband turns the page and gulps loudly, “Oh no! Coach Pigskin is interviewing at Goalpost State University. This is awful!” He then announces, “The tailgaters are having a pre-game bonfire and a beer chugging contest tomorrow afternoon before the game!” Oh boy. Count me in.
For six months every year, I am a football widow. The local newspaper needs to start printing obituaries for husbands who are obsessed with football. A sample death notice would say, “John Smith, temporarily deceased to all living and breathing things except other football obsessed husbands from September 1 to January 31. Loving father, husband, and handyman to devoted wife and children whose names slip his mind during the above-mentioned six-month timeframe. Wife requests visitation during her loneliest moments from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. on both Saturdays and Sundays, and from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. on Monday evenings. Guests may view the motionless body of John Smith as he lies in front of their television. Chips and dip will be provided, but feel free to bring any other appetizers that you feel may appeal to widowed wives.”
In the beginning of our marriage, I tried to watch football with my husband. I’d make a snack and plop down on the couch next to him. “What are you doing?” he’d ask, seemingly perplexed by my behavior.
“Well, I thought I’d keep you company,” I replied.
Just then, he jumped up and yelled, “WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE! CAN’T YOU SEE THE GUY WAS CLEARLY OUT OF BOUNDS?” Then he started waving his arms around wildly. (read more inside the book!)
Topics/Categories:
Children, Family, Hot Flashes, Husbands, Marriage, Menopause, Midlife, womanhood
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Original Publish Date:
September 1, 2006
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