Synopsis:

“This collection of essays shows that writers know plenty about love: how it works, when it works, when it doesn’t, and why it’s not always the be-all and end-all of a woman’s emotional life. Growing older solo is fraught with challenges -- but also with opportunities.”

—Hartford Courant

 

This timely book assembles a chorus of sophisticated, edgy, and humorous voices on the topic of being unmarried in one’s prime. Far from being out to pasture, these writers zestily take on the challenges and enjoy the rewards of growing older as a single woman: sex (or not), occasional loneliness, single motherhood, second careers, menopause, critter comforts, and more. Joyce Maynard (“fifteen years divorced and pushing fifty with a short stick”) tries online dating, Kathi Kamen Goldmark embraces her newly empty nest, Wendy Merrill dumps a younger lover to save her self-esteem, Diane Mapes prefers the joys of aunthood over motherhood, Sunny Singh enjoys her unmarried status so much she dreads meeting the perfect man, Ms. Gonick dates a sexy (if uneducated) cowboy, and Rachel Toor finally finds the perfect companion—and he has four legs.

 

"A cool mom is one things, but a red-hot mama is utterly disturbing." - from "Unmarried... with Children" by Ellie Slott Fisher, author of Mom, There's a Man in Your Kitchen and He's Wearing Your Robe

 

"The good part of having a checkered past is that when you're older, if you've paid attention, you're really good at checkers." - from "Never Again," by Merrill Markoe, five time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer

 

"A secret joy of traveling alone is that occasionally you find yourself spending time with people you would not otherwise get to know. They were older than I was, religious, married, and fairly conventional. But we had a memorable evening." - from "A Secret Joy" by Susan Griffin, author of The Book of the Courtesans

 

"Swaying to a sultry Aaliyah tune, I gaze upon my full-length naked body. Wow. There is more of me than I remember." - from "Nude Awakening" by Cameron Tuttle, author of the Bad Girl's Guides

 

"I could only shudder at the thought of how few romantic prospects awaited a single middle-aged black woman in a town of a little over two thousand." - from "Straight Outta Marin" by April Sinclair, author of Coffee Will Make You Black

 

"Prudence's fur was soft as baby powder, talcy white. She became my life that last semester. My biggest love affair in college was with someone who weighed less than a Snickers bar." - from "Heavy Petting" by Rachel Toor, author of The Pig and I

 

"Most of us are so dedicated to the idea of commitment -- the longer the term the better -- that the idea of having a good time never gets a chance to bloom." - from "Cutting Loose" by Jane Juska, author of A Round-Heeled Woman

 

Other contributors include Kim Addonizio, Isadora Alman, Judy Blunt, Anne Buelteman, Liz Byrski, Ronnie Caplane, Dakota Cassidy, Laura Fraser, Lynn Freed, Spike Gillespie, Debra Ginsberg, Sam Horn, Patti Lawson, Susan Maushart and Irene Sherlock.

 

Book Excerpt:

“Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.” Edna Ferber, novelist (1885-1968)

 

Old maids and spinsters - that’s what we used to be called. 100 years ago, if you were my age and still single, you might as well dig a hole and bury yourself, or join a convent. And as recently as 20 years ago, single women of a certain age were still viewed with a mix of pity and suspicion: if she has anything at all to offer, why doesn’t she have a man?

 

To quote an ad that all the writers in this book would remember, we’ve come a long way, baby.

 

Single women today are slowly inverting the dominant paradigm by sheer force of numbers. One in three – or about 85 million Americans – now live alone. That’s quadrupled since 1940, when it was assumed any right-minded gal would find a lad she liked well enough in high school, get hitched and start making babies.

 

These days, we’re waiting until much later to marry, and if we divorce, we often don’t marry again. Being married is no longer a presumption of adult life – and remaining single is now a conscious decision.

 

And why not? We’ve made our own lives. We’ve already had long careers – or even second ones. We don’t need a man like we used to – if we ever did. The biological clock that was ticking loudly for some of us in our thirties falls silent – we’ve either had kids at this point or decided to remain child-free. We have, with any luck, strong networks of friends to entertain us on dateless Saturday nights, friends to whom we can turn when we need support. We are buying our own homes and we know how to travel alone.

 

In other words, send us no flowers: we are not pining away.

 

 

 

And what of romance at a certain age? It looks a lot different at 45 than it did at 25. The bad news is: the odds are stacked against a hot-and-heavy midlife sex life in this youth-obsessed culture. Both women and men struggle with feeling less visible after they hit 40. But the good news is: romance becomes its own reward. Kids? No more, thank you. Marriage? Did it once or twice, don’t need to do it again. 

 

Sex and fun? Yes please, and often.

 

In fact, this generation is rewriting the Book of Love as we go along. Why not younger men? Why not recycle our ex’s? Why should a single mother not have an active love life? Why not go online?

 

Why not, indeed?

 

Soon the media will be catching on to the paradigm shift. It already is to a small degree, with shows like Desperate Housewives proving that women over 40 can be both intriguing and complex – and hot. And now, get ready for “Women of a Certain Age” coming on ABC and starring Heather Locklear in a sitcom about unmarried women in their 40s. I’ll be curious to see how they’re depicted: as stay-at-home old maids praying for a man to come along, as we used to be portrayed? Or will they be more like Samantha from “Sex and the City,” with her hedonistic, orgasm-fest of a life?

 

The truth, we all know, lies somewhere in between.

 

The truth is in these pages.

 

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Topics/Categories:

Aging, Single life, women's life

Genre:

General Women's Studies - Interest, Women's Studies - Interest

Type of Work:

Anthology

Publishers:

New World Library

Purchase From:

Amazon

Original Publish Date:

May 12, 2009

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